Bad Moon Glass Beads.

Sharing. Fed Up.

2010-09-01T11:16:00.001-07:00

Richview Plaza Rexall Delivery Trucks Parking Issue. Safety, Fire Route.
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From:
D1ANA BOLEN
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To: councillor_lindsay_luby@toronto.ca
Cc: mayor_miller@toronto.ca
Hello, my name is Diana and I have lived on Wincott for 48 years. My family has been here for over 50 years. In the last few months the parking of delivery trucks out front of the Rexall Pharmacy has become a great Safety Concern for the many Seniors was well as those with young children.

I have seen as many as four large delivery trucks parked out there blocking the wheel chair ramps, making it impossible for the Community Bus to pick up and off load their passengers. Making it impossible for cars to get through as they are blocking a full lane and not only that, the lane in which they are parking is a FIRE ROUTE and delivery trucks are NOT exempt from the law with regards to this.

The driver of the Delivery Truck is not in the truck, therefore if there was an emergency the fire trucks and ambulance will have a real hard time getting there quickly and we all know SECONDS count when it comes to life or death.

This new practice of allowing these deliveries out front is also a safety concern as when people are trying to get to their cars they must go between the trucks stepping off the curb and can easily be hit by a passing car as people get frustrated and tend to blast by. This almost happened last week when a young woman stepped out from between the trucks with a young child in hand. Children do not think like adults and tend to walk quicker and ahead of us.

When I spoke with the Assistant Manager at the Rexall store she basically told me too bad, they don't have a delivery dock. She continued to argue with me when I told her it has only been the past few years that this has been allowed. She told me they had been doing it since she had been there for the past three years. Yes well, I have been here for 48 YEARS as this is NOT the norm.

They DO have a delivery dock and all deliveries are to be made at the back of the plaza. I have pictures of the signage, the dock and the truck parked out front. Also straight trucks are barreling down Wincott on a daily basis and they are NOT allowed. They are to use the Eglinton access to enter and exit the plaza. The signs are clear on this issue. I also spoke with a long time business owner at this Plaza adn they too have noticed the increase in these trucks. They have been there for over 50 years as well.

There are small children in this area as well and this new practice is NOT safe and someone needs to have the by-laws explained to them.

I have called the Rexall Head Office and filed a complaint. I have not heard back, but this is not enough. I want someone to make sure this does not continue to happen. My Mother has missed the Bus twice in the past three weeks. She needs to sit inside the door of the Rexall because of the heat, and when the trucks are parked there she can't see him coming, and he can't stop to pick her up. He can't get to the curb. This Community Bus is much appreciated and the Driver NEVER leaves the bus, to ensure the route will be accessible should an emergency happen.

I will also be contacting by-law enforcement filing the same complaint hoping that someone will speak with the Manager and Assistant Manager of Rexall.

I would appreciate it if you can also contact someone, perhaps the management company for Richview Plaza and explain just how not only is this against the by-laws but how unsafe this situation is. What is it going to take to stop this? Must it take a person/child getting hurt or killed?

Respectfully,

Diana Bolen
166 Wincott Drive
Etobicoke, Ontario
M9R 2P8

416-892-9756

Been awhile.

2010-08-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks no beads and not much going on craft wise or even life wise. Just been too busy at work and trying to get my life back on a favorable track. Well favorable for me that is.

I am hoping to maybe get some things back in motion during my vacation coming up in September. I might get back to the torch or the camera or both, will have to wait and see. Motivation and inspiration are everything in the creative mind. Without both, you end up having works that are half hearted and it will show to us. You might not see the lack of greatness, but an Artist just knows. We are our own worst critic for a reason.

So keep on doing what you love doing and don't worry bout me. I will get back on the horse, just not sure when.

Diana, the creative mind can be fickle, stubborn and emotional all in one. What a twist.

:D

Pride in a Job Well Done.

2010-04-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

For many of us who work hard and are maybe a bit of a perfectionist, taking pride in a job well done is an important part of enjoying the chosen job/career. I have always prided myself on being on time, nose to the grind stone, getting things done within applied deadlines and doing whatever is necessary to make things happen. I have been a valued employee for many companies and when I resigned I have been offered many attractive incentives to change my mind.

Now that I am working for the TTC this has become a big thorn in my side. No matter how hard I try, I do not at the end of my shift feel proud or happy. I do not feel like I have accomplished the task handed to me properly or efficiently and sometimes even questioning the safety of my actions. I feel defeated, exhausted both mentally and physically. My ego is deflated and it leaves me questioning if there is something I am doing wrong.

This is huge for me. My pride is on the line. My pride that I am a hard worker, valued employee is being hacked away at everyday.

Why? Let me explain. The schedules that the TTC has for each line are approximately 15-20 years old. Many have not been changed to accommodate the implementation of Sunday shopping, increasing the demand on each line. Sunday never had a rush hour, until now. Many people work that day and still many others shop that day. The stores all close pretty much at the same time, so rush hour begins at around 6pm. The schedules remain the same. Meaning, back when there was no such thing as Sunday shopping, many people stayed home with family. Therefore there was no need to give the same amount of time to a run, to complete the route. Now of course, unless you speed or drive like a road raging maniac, you cannot complete the task handed to you and you feel defeated by the end of it. Of course you are getting it from the passengers when you show up late, you are getting it from CIS or from a fellow driver who has decided not to work and plays games. So where does that leave your pride in a job well done? The more time you lose, the more people that are angry at you, the more your pride is stomped on, the more sullen and frustrated you become. Then people wonder why many drivers seem to be so unhappy. We are unhappy because our company has handed us unrealistic expectations that we cannot possibly meet unless we do things like break the law and speed, risking our licenses and risking having someone get hurt.

This does not only apply to Sundays. The schedules they have for all routes have not changed in many many years. They have not taken into consideration the increase in ridership, the increase in traffic, the increase in problems like bus failure or passenger illness and other issues. They have not taken into consideration that many stores remain open longer now, making the rush hour extended until after 9m for passengers, not necessarily vehicular traffic. All these things effect ones ability to meet the schedules demands. We just cannot do it on many routes and this leaves us feeling, frustrated, defeated, exhausted, jumpy, short tempered, unhappy with ourselves. No it’s not your problem as a passenger, of course not. What is does is explain why we seem to be so unhappy at times. Those of us that do take pride in a job well done are starting to throw our hands up in the air in defeat. Yes, we have explained this. Yes we have made it known that the schedules are too tight and need to be re-examined. All have fallen on deaf ears. A very senior operator has informed me that this has been going on for many years. The TTC has continued to refuse to examine the issue and make the necessary changes.

So I have decided to go into work and drive within the law. I will always be late. There is no other way. I will not speed, that is breaking the law. I will not drive like a maniac. That will only end up with someone being hurt. I am done. I know I am a hard worker. I know I do my job to the best of my ability. I only wish that my Employer would make it so the expectations could be accomplished and they would stop trying to make me feel like I am dirt under their fingernails.

Diana (loves to drive, but lately not a bus)

Example: They only give me 30 minutes to do Lawrence from 7:30 pm until 1 am. Now this is going from Martingrove all the way to Yonge Street. Can you do it? Yes after 10pm most can, but in a big ole bus, stopping at every stop, waiting for loading and unloading at TWO stations. Do you still think you could?

So every trip from 7pm until 11 pm, I am getting shit on by passengers and being questioned by CIS. Yea I am glad to be going to work tomorrow. Can't wait to be yelled at, called names, questioned why I am late, over and over for 4 hours. Yippee!

Bad Shelters...Bad Policy..Not Bad Dogs

2010-03-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

Okay something I take great issue with. My neighbor adopted a beautiful Australian Shepherd from a well known shelter. Young dog, only about 2 years old. Shelter told him the family could no longer afford the dog. Well that was a month ago. The dog has settled in. When I first met the dog it seemed okay. Stiffened up a few times but nothing out of the ordinary for a dog in a strange place. Well now the dog has bitten the owner and the owner now wants the dog dead. Don't blame him, the bite is BAD. 12 stitches on his hand.

BUT this is NOT the first time this dog has done this, no way no how. I just went and did a short evaluation and this is a dog that has had aggression issues for some time. I am sure the family that surrendered this dog, did so because they could not afford the proper training required and because of the aggression, they (the shelter) simply chose to leave that part out and lie by ommission. The shelter had this dog for some time as well and there is no way this dog did NOT show this aggression while in their custody.

The Shelters need to be HONEST and forthcoming when it comes to dogs of this nature. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT adopt these dogs out to anyone unless they have the proper experience and education. This Shelter has just added to the problem and even though this shelter is trying to say they are part of the solution, this is NOT the first time I have been called about dogs from this shelter. I have contacted them on many occassions as well and told them their policy needs changing.

Aggression, ANY type of aggressioin needs to be disclosed to the potential adoptee. Whether it is dog on dog, dog on cat, dog on human, or dog on guarding things or dog being frightened at loud noises. Snarling, lifting of the lips, stiffening up, charging or/and snapping. If this continues and I get one more call, I will be calling the proper authorities and will have their license suspended or taken away.

If the Shelter is willing to rehabilatate, thats great too, but it seems they just want to pump out dogs and be done with them. They even refused to take this dog back. Now what does THAT say about them.

I have calmed the owner down, he has agreed to let me help and NOT sue the Shelter just yet. They would loose with my testimony of repeated offenses I can assure them of that. I will be calling them today and after explaining, I think I will be getting that eerie silence on the other end of the line, once again......god I hate that.

So, executing plan, have bought muzzle, now for the hard part.

Diana (biting mad)

Just realized that I don't tolerate drunks

2010-03-11T00:48:00.000-08:00

I have come to the conclusion that I do not tolerate drunks well. I have zero patience for them, loathe being around them and find them very irritating.

I had one on my Bus tonight and as soon as I realized he was there, I just wanted him OFF. He wandered in thinking I was a Jane Bus but I am not driving that route. I am on a route that shares Jane Station.

Stumbling, stinking whiskey barrels is all they are. I hate it when people call it Alcohol Disease. It is an addiction not a disease. It is a CHOICE unlike a true disease.

I think this whole intolerance of mine came shortly after my Grandmother was hit by a drunken Irish Nanny, in broad daylight, on St. Patricks Day while crossing the street near her home. This bitch nanny ran a red and never saw my Grandmother. My Grandma was never the same after that and went down hill fast, then died way too soon.

Police said this nanny was so drunk, they where amazed she even managed to get the key in the ignition.

Now I don't mind people who have a drink or two, but getting falling down, STUPID drunk is a waste of good breathing air.

My job requires a bit of tolerance for this, so I have to find a way to deal with it better. I think I did okay tonight, but man if I didn't have to touch him, I wanted to physically throw him off the bus while still in motion.....that's not good!

Diana (seeking tolerance)

Well I am back and I gotta say...I LOVE gay guys.

2010-02-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

I was going to stay until Tuesday Morning, but I heard on the Radio of a storm so I did the responsible thing and came home today. How boring of me eh?

I pulled up to the Cabin around 5:30 am Sunday Morning into the driveway and the lights of my vehicle where shining on the frozen Lake. Lo and Behold a small pack of Wolves is moving silently across it about 50 yards from the Cabin.

I sucked in my breath and held it. I watched for a few, then scrambled to grab my camera and "shit" I was so hurried to grab the dogs and get out, I left it on the diningroom table.

I wake up the pups, out we go. As I am opening the door I notice a large package sitting on the table of the entrance way. Wrapped up in a big red bow.

Tag Reads.

We Just Simply Love You.

I open it and its a full box of 50 Orchids and the perfume just fills the air.

Tears.

Why can't straight guys be this thoughtful? Is it that hard for guys to get in touch with their sensitive side?

Anyway, I sent him back a Bottle of Wine and a Big Thank You Card, including a lipstick kiss and I don't even wear lipstick. He should get it tonight and I know he will laugh his ass off at the thought of me even attempting to put on lipstick.

Now what to do with this brand new, once used and never to be used again tube of lipstick?

I did a lot of thinking and writing while I was there. Something I tend to do when I get away. So be prepared for an earful of blah blah's. If you are so inclined to read them at is. I hope you do as a lot of thought and passion has gone into them.

Diana, (a bit more relaxed, need more time out there)

I am going away

2010-02-19T01:45:00.000-08:00

I am going away for my days off this week. I need to get out.

A good friend has given me the keys to his Log Cabin and I am outta here.

If the snow gets bad, I might not make it back.

Can you call that a culpable absense?

Just how does one control Mother Nature?

Be sure to let you know, if I figure that one out!

Dogs in tow, wish I had a new man to bring along.

It's a beautiful Cabin, with a two storey stone fireplace, round couch, a King Sized Four Poster Bed and one hell of a Jacuzzi!

Now all I need is the Masseuse.

Now me is, Happy Me :D

Diana

Message Received

2010-02-18T23:39:00.000-08:00

Loud and Clear.

WOW!

Stoic, Indifference, now that's a new one for me.

The word asshole doesn't even begin to describe him.

Sure would be nice to know what I said or did to deserve such, but I don't expect I will get an explanation.

Leave'em hanging is a Man's motto for the most part. I have learned to live with it.

Won't hurt for long, but it still hurts.

Diana (at a loss????)

Slipping through my fingers....

2010-02-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

I can feel it.

I am in a bit of a panic and a bit depressed tonight.

One more night and it might be gone. A chance. A hope. Anything left?

Do I panic or try and maintain. Flight or Fight? That is the question.

Being born in year of the Tiger, you would think I would fight. Alas I am a chicken at heart, but don't let anyone know that. I put up a good front on some days and other days I crumble.

I think this where I crumble.

I know I won't sleep tonight. My mind will be racing. I know tomorrow will bring a lack of appetite, stress beyond belief, panic, agitation, pacing, and a headache the scope of which cannot be explained. (note to self: remember Advil)

I need to let it go and in time this too shall pass.

I know that, but right now, I feel like I am in turmoil and right now is what counts.

Diana,
(trying to stop the silly assed voice in my head.)

I am a Private Citizen

2010-02-08T23:14:00.000-08:00

working for a Public Company. Therefore if you take a picture of me and I ask you to stop, you must and if you have the picture published I can then sue you under Civil Law.

That is the Law.

There may be no Privacy Act in Ontario, but that does NOT mean you can publish my picture without my consent and not expect to get hauled into Court.

I know my CIVIL rights. I have studied Law.

Nuff said.

Off to bed

Wolves, Me, Karma and Mother Nature.

2010-02-08T18:09:00.000-08:00

Watched the show Valley of the Wolves last night on Animal Planet and God I want to be there.

This show even depicts that Karma exists in Nature. A group of Wolves takes over a territory from a smaller weaker pack. The new group strives to maintain the new territory and the old one as well. Nature doesn’t like greed either and Karma bit them back. Their pups all got sick and died. Then another unknown pack came and killed a strong second in command greedy male and drove off one other male. Then this unknown pack held the den site of the greedy's new pups at siege for 12 days and all the new pups’ died in the den. Then the unknown pack just disappeared. As if Mother Nature herself has a gang of enforcers that deliver her strong messages. The greedy pack that originally took over from the weaker pack, then just slip away to their old territory and die off.

Eventually the original weaker pack has pups, raises them to adulthood then slowly make their way back to the valley they got driven out of. Expecting a challenge and a need to fight for their original territory, only to be met with silence.

What an example of Karma! Beautifully played out in the wilds of Mother Nature.

I want to spend my days in the company of unconditional love and respect. I want to be in the wild with them. To feel their warmth and feel their spirits surround me. They are such beautiful creatures.

Mythical, magical, eerie and scary. Why I am so drawn to them is beyond me. I just feel the need to be with them. I am really starting to yearn for my life to change. I am really starting to want to just get out.

To be one with Nature. To go back to my roots, feed my soul and regain my Spirit.

Funny I called that Bear guy a freak for wanting to be with the Bears and eventually being killed by them and here I am wanting to be with a pack of Wolves!

I think that just shows how fed up I am with the Human Condition and all this Hate that is around me.

It just sucks the life out of you.

Or

Maybe I am just going bonkers!

Well one day if I disappear, you will know where to look for me, but I am not sure I will want to be found.

Diana, seeking Peace.

Static....ouch....grrr....ack...snap

2010-02-07T14:30:00.000-08:00

I am having a huge issue with static right now. I just finished my laundry and I was attemtpting to take my clothes out of the laundry basket and I was literally being shocked. I mean there are freakin SPARKS!!!! coming off my clothes.

I fear my clothes are going to start a fire, seriously there are sparks!

Is anyone else having this issue right now?

I am not only using Downey in the Rinse cycle but using two dryer sheets!

How do I stop this? Is is really annoying and scares the crap outta of me.

Ah, little issues, so petty, but I hate it.................

Do you think it might be the fact the laundry basket is plastic?

Hmmm, maybe this is it and I need a new basket.

Lifes little ponderings huh.

Diana no more today, I am done.

UH-OH...there is going to be a poop storm

2010-02-07T08:06:00.000-08:00

Well I just read a letter that came from the General Manager or the TTC and it will surely incite some discontent with many of the TTC Drivers.

I suspect this is not going to be a good thing once again.

I saw another video of a driver going to get a coffee and pee but here is the thing. The kid that shot that video did not have a proper fare or paid a student fare but did not have a Student Id. The driver let him on anyway and the kid then proceeded to shoot the video anyway.

Wow, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So I guess this kid has made it so that every student out there better have the proper fare and a student id card or no ride.

Nice way to do the driver kid, and nice way to do all your fellow students.

I have to say that I too have never enforced that and let the kids ride without showing their id card but paying only a student fare.

Now ask me why, I should do that now?

Like I said I am not a get you back type person, but this really gets my goat.

I also did a search on videos showing poor rider behavior. There are many and it's sad that these are not news worthy.

Well, things are going to come to a head soon and I am just waiting to see what happens.

I know I will continue to do my job and do it to the best of my abilities. Some people however are never happy no matter how they are treated.

Oh and will be taking bathroom breaks whether you like it it not. I will not put my health at risk for you, I will not piss my pants for you, I will not be subjected to any indignities for you.

Also if I am at the end of my line early, I will get a coffee or water or whatever I want.

I AM entitled to that, again whether you like it or not. It has nothing to do with the fact I am Union and everything to do with my RIGHTS as an employee of any company.

Sorry if you don't like that or have a problem with it but that's life. There are many many things we don't like but have to live with.

Enough on this subject.

I am done.

I have stated my case.

I think this whole thing is a bucket of shit and soon to be flung right back atcha.

Diana, off to do laundry.

On a lighter note

2010-02-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

MANTRACKER IS HAWT!

LOL. can ya tell I just watched the show.

Oooooo baby. I like that man....

It's Saturday and I am in a good mood.

Smiles.

Bye......

Well how about that...Harrassment TTC

2010-02-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

Just found this when doing a search

One on One

Looks like we can claim harrassment.

Huh, who knew.

I will bold this part as it is my favorite part.

"A detective with the Toronto Police who asked not to be named said that it is not illegal to record a bus driver making mistakes unless it becomes criminal harassment. Criminal harassment is when a person is following a driver day in and day out or obstructing the safe operation of the driver's route. In turn a bus driver can not legally stop a passenger from taking his or her picture as long as the driver's job is not being affected.
"A driver can stop his bus if they believe that the person taking pictures or video is impeding the safe operation of the vehicle. The best course of action is to take complaints to the TTC complaint office."
The detective also said that this month's "blood sport is the TTC."

Wow, never knew this and I kinda like the fact that the TTC will not address these one on one issues.

Just because someone has a problem with one driver does not mean we are all bad and should be punished because of the actions of one driver.

Not saying that the drivers in question are wrong either as I have no idea if they were doing anything wrong.

BUT my sense tells me they (the ones being videoed lately) haven't done a dam thing wrong.

They are entitled to a break and if you don't like it, get off the bus and wait for another.

I also found out my Assistant Super at my Division supports us drivers who do need a break and that is all I NEED to hear.

More later, maybe.....

I also can't believe that certain news media CITYTV find that this is news. They have created the feeding frenzy and if anything happens as a result of this I have told many drivers to hold them responsible.

The media also needs to take responsibility and accountability for anyone that gets hurt as a result of all this.

The media had a responsiblity to ask the TTC if these breaks are common and allowed before splashing this shit all over the place.

If is was and is IS allowed then the media CITYTV to be exact has seriously over stepped the bounderies of what is news and what is just TRASH TALK.

SHAME ON YOU CITYTV. I will no longer watch your pitiful channel. You have become the TabROID of television.

My name is Diana and I do NOT support local television anymore. Screw You.

Oh and even GOOGLE has to blur peoples faces now, so ya better watch out. You ARE invading peoples privacy and someone may get hurt as a result. Then if it can be shown that the media released a picture of a person and that person was assaulted by a ooo lets say STALKER...........see ya in Court dudes and that court date will include the jerk off camera idiot.

The story behind the F'en Bitch comment

2010-02-06T09:42:00.000-08:00

So I bet some are wondering why would anyone call sweet ole me an F'en Bitch.

Let me tell you why.

I pull up to a stop and there is about 5 people standing there. I am not late, I am not early I am right on time for that stop.

(Yes we do have what is called Timing Points and it tells us when we are supposed to be at each stop on our Route, but PLEASE we are RARELY able to meet that schedule as it is VERY tight. If there is a problem, we cannot be there at that time. And by problem I mean even ONE accident can kill that stupid schedule. So its an unrealistic expection of YOU and our Boss to hold us to.)

Everyone, except this one male pig, shows me their pass or transfer. As male pig is moving past me, I say.

"Excuse me Sir, do you have a Pass or Transfer?"

How polite of me huh?

He then turns and says...

"Fuck you you Fucken Bitch" and starts to attempt to tell me why he won't pay but I raise my voice cut off his FOUL so called speach by saying.

"OFF THE BUS! BUT THANK YOU FOR ATTEMPTING TO RIDE THE TTC"

Well the whole Bus burst out laughing and a women sitting in the first row behind me was drinking a pop and laughed so hard it came out her nose.

The male pig, lowered its head and stepped off the Bus.

You know what, it is RUDE to not pay. I know that many are pissed at us, but we are still providing a service. There are good drivers, not so good drivers and there are really bad drivers.

I AM A GOOD DRIVER. I AM POLITE AND TO THE POINT. IF YOU ASK ME A QUESTION I WILL ANSWER YOU. IF I DON'T KNOW I WILL DIRECT YOU TO THE PERSON OR PLACE WHERE YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER.

I DESERVE TO BE PAID FOR MY SERVICE AND MY TIME. I AM NOT THE BAD GUY AND IF YOU DON'T PUT A FARE IN MY FAREBOX YOU ARE INSULTING ME AND BASICALLY SAYING I AM THE BAD GUY.

You want FAIRNESS then give it back people. Be fair to me and the OTHER good drivers by NOT lumping us into the same HEAP as the assholes amoung us.

So, to you male pig, I take back my calling you Sir. You are NOT a Sir and will never deserve the title of such.

You want good service then pay for it. There is over 80 million dollars in Fare Disputes. People don't pay . They buy Fraudulant Passes, try to pass off old transfers or simply walk right by us.

Well you say, is it not your job to enforce people to pay. NO actually it's not. It is NOT my job to get my head kicked in or to be spat upon. It is NOT my job to be insulted or verbally abused by these low lifes.

Would you ask? Knowing that the number ONE reason we are assaulted is because of fare disputes?

Do YOU put up with this kind of treatment from YOUR customers? Or do you have the Luxury of walking away and getting your Boss to handle them?

Yeah that's right you have that Luxury. So maybe the TTC should hire all Bouncer Types that can handle these low lifes.....Yea well then.. ya wanna see bad customer service....just put a bunch of steriod junkies behind the wheel.....that'll teach'em.

Whatever...

Rant done.

Off to do some shopping and walk the pups.

Later peeps.

Diana

So Tonight He...............

2010-02-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

walked right by me and said Hello to someone, but not to me.

So I guess my assumptions that he liked me were unfounded. It was just my imagination once again.

Huh.

I wash my hands of this and move on.........I just have too much on my mind and this is really taking up a lot of energy. I think about him too much and it gets all fuzzy after awhile.

Happy Friday Everyone.

Not much to say. Too tired.

Off to watch a movie.

Diana

On a happier note I forgot to mention that tonight, I was called an F'en Bitch by one guy and another told me that being 35 years old and trying to act like I was 25 was not attractive.....

LOL LOL LOL LOL

Jerk, I am almost 50!!!

So thanks for the compliment :)

I could have kissed him, but ya know.....blech

Thinking about all this..

2010-02-04T08:11:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about all this bad publicity with the TTC lately and my state of mind. I have been jumpy lately and not sleeping. Also I can't seem to bring myself to get on the torch, or draw or paint or even clean my house.

I love to drive. I absolutely love it. I once drove from Toronto to Nova Scotia without stopping to sleep. I did stop for coffee and pee breaks, but my love of driving kept me going. I know I know, that is not good and I might have been a danger on the road, but I don't think so. I just love to drive.

But this trash talk about us drivers has made it very difficult for me to love to drive a Bus. I did at first and on good days I still do. I feel at ease behind the wheel. I feel good behind the wheel. It is my place to just zone out life and be the best driver I can be. I am good ya know....

I like to think I am good with the people too. I have had my share of issues, but who hasn't. I am sure passengers have had issues with other passengers. But that passenger will only have to one issue that day and might not have another for weeks or months to come. I have to deal with nasty, ugly people everyday, sometimes many hundreds of times a day, then deal with that same person the next day and the next day.......

Do I love my Job? Yes on the good days. On the bad ones, I want to just stop the bus, get out and walk all the way home and not go back. But I don't. I keep driving and keep tolerating and keep saying thank you and I keep trying to be nice...It is getting really hard though.

I have gotten threats, people holding up their phones as if taking my picture for just going to the bathroom, or when I am at my ends early, going to get a bottle of water or coffee. I have become an innocent target of peoples rage and hate.

Not something I thought about when taking this job. Not something I signed up for.
Did I know or was I made aware of the issues with problem people? Yes, but I had no idea it was this bad. There was some sugar coating, and I am a sugar lover, so I think I absorbed that part and filed the rest. I thought to myself, how can people be nasty or ugly to me, if I am nice to them. God I am so Nieve. Must change that. Something to work on within my personality.

So with that, I think I will be giving up my senority and moving into something else within the TTC. Once my two years of blood and guts has been given I can apply for a job elsewhere and never have to drive a Bus again.

THAT saddens me. Just thinking about it almost makes me cry. People have successfully taken my Joy and made it my Misery........

I guess because I worked with dogs for the past 7 years I have been so out of the loop on this whole, how to treat others, I did not realize it had gotten this bad. I did not realize people had so much hate in the hearts and minds.

People can be so awful to other people.

When there is a ban wagon people seem to jump right on without asking themselves why or even if that band wagon is morally right. They will question it later and maybe feel bad about it later, but by then the damage is done.

You can't take that back.

And now I might face suspension if I take a pee break or go get a coffee.

See here

Wow, things are going to come to a head soon. I see no good coming from this.

Anger goes both ways or did you not realize that?

Also I am so sick of people with University Degrees telling us we make too much money and that we are all a bunch of uneducated morons, who should not make more than them.

What exactly qualifies a salary? The fact that you have a Degree is the ONLY basis that YOU should make more than Me?
That Degree or piece of paper makes YOU a better employee than me?
That Degree makes you more valuable than me?
That Degree makes you less likely to go to the washroom than me?
That Degree means you will NEVER use company time to do something personal?
That Degree means you will never make a personal phone call on company time, or use the computer for personal time?
That Degree means you will never take a break even though you are entitled to it not only because your company gives you breaks but the Employment Act gives you the RIGHT to take a break?
That Degree makes you smarter than me?
That Degree gave you the ability to handle people and stressful situations better than me?

Again I am going to refer you to the post below and this may explain why we make more than you. Do YOU suffer 4 times the stress level of Police Officers? Do you face an angry crowd everyday? Do you FEAR going to work and having your picture posted on the front page with the words SLACKER splashed across it, simply for going to the bathroom?

And by the by, many of the TTC workers of today have University Degrees but could not find a JOB in their chosen field or where laid off, then they became Drivers.

So that arguement is BULLSHIT and I called it.

Have a good one.

Diana

TTC drivers in crisis....Pulled from TorontoStar

2010-02-03T20:54:00.000-08:00

Subway driver Bryan Tollefson, at his Angus home, suffered from post-traumatic stress after seeing two suicides and an accidental death. Depression returned when a drunk assaulted him.

Litany of abuse, lives of fear

The Star obtained scores of occupational injury and disease reports filed in the last several months by drivers from two TTC divisions. They provide a grim snapshot of life behind the wheel.

One driver, who got a gob of spit in the face Nov. 23, 2007, worried about a communicable disease. A few days before that, a driver reported that an "unidentified male showed me a gun as he was leaving the bus." This driver said she later had trouble sleeping. Eighteen-year veteran Chris, of the TTC's Queensway division, said he'd rather take a punch than suffer again what happened last August. Chris says he was verbally sparring with a rider who had insulted a blind passenger.

"Just as I turned away, he grabs me, pulls toward me, horks a loogie on me like you wouldn't believe," Chris said. "I didn't tell my kids. It's degrading. I would have rather taken a punch."

Chris said he missed six weeks of work due to anxiety and fear he had contracted an "infectious disease."

"I just put the blinders on. I just look forward. I don't look at what goes in the fare box any more," he said. "If I didn't lose my seniority, I would go somewhere else in the commission."The documents also show drivers reported: Suffering a broken thumb and inhalation of pepper spray during a fight on a bus; broken eyeglasses after a punch to the head; and seeing a red laser-light flash, stoking fears of a sniper. Several drivers said riders gestured as if pulling guns out of coat pockets and waistbands, or pulling a blade across a throat.

David Bruser and Tess Kalinowski

David Bruser

Tess Kalinowski
Staff Reporters
Nearly 200 TTC bus, streetcar and subway operators are suffering from severe stress usually associated with survivors of combat, natural disasters and rape.

Their rate of post-traumatic stress disorder is about four times that of police officers who patrol Toronto streets, and the city's transit drivers report these problems more than any other workers in Ontario, according to provincial data.

Drivers have suffered a wide range of abuse – shot at with an air rifle, punched in the eye, head-butted in the mouth, gashed with a broken beer bottle, to list just a few examples the Star uncovered.

Shawn Gilchrist, psychologically crippled by the disorder, missed nearly two years of work after four riders swarmed and dragged him to the bus floor, then kicked, punched and dislodged a molar.

A driver got a gob of spit in the face and mouth, and spent weeks off work and ran through many tubes of toothpaste trying to erase the memory.

Another driver, Michael, said he was driving along Kipling Ave. in 2005 when the headlights of an oncoming Jetta went out. The sedan crept closer, its passenger window going down. Seconds later, the window next to Michael's head had a hole in it and a spider web of cracks.

"I saw this thing coming out of the sedan's window, and I'm still looking at it. All of sudden ... Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. I screamed at everyone: `Get down. We're taking fire.' I didn't know what to say," said Michael, his voice quickening and pitched with anger. "I thought: I'm not going to see my family again. This is it."He later learned he was shot at with an air rifle and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

"I couldn't sleep. I kept being paranoid. I didn't want to drive."

The Star obtained the records from the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board after a freedom of information battle lasting nearly two years. Names of drivers were withheld. Through interviews the Star found some claimants and agreed not to identify those with strong concern for their safety.

In a five-year period ending in 2005, at least 181 drivers claimed post-traumatic stress disorder, missing an average of 49 days of work, with some absent only days and others more than a year. The traumatized drivers missed a total of nearly 9,000 workdays. An additional 102 operators reported missing weeks or months of work because they were suffering anxiety, neurotic disorders and depression.

The men and women on the front lines of the TTC, for the most part, take the job because they like sitting behind the wheel, chatting with the public and earning a steady paycheque.

But some drivers say they have become easy targets for surly riders. They are demoralized, tentative around strangers and fearful.

Subway operator Bryan Tollefson, who suffered from the disorder 10 years ago after seeing two suicides and an accidental death in the subway, says he has sunk back into depression after a drunk head-butted him in the mouth in 2006.

With overcrowding on buses and streetcars, fare hikes and traffic snarling transit schedules, the operators say they are facing an increasingly frustrated, unpredictable public. The number of reported crimes on TTC property spiked dramatically in 2006, from 2,744 the year before to 3,415, a 24 per cent increase. Meanwhile, the drivers struggle for sympathy from their own employer, an outfit of nearly 11,000 employees heavily focused on timely service and, drivers say, not enough on their safety.

TTC management, though, is making a big push to make life on the road and rails less stressful."I think we have an obligation to do something," said TTC chair Adam Giambrone. "This is unacceptable. We have to take this seriously. This is about respect and safety of our operators. They didn't sign up to be soldiers."

Post-traumatic stress disorder, often caused by witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event involving the threat of injury or death, is the second-leading cause of loss-time at the TTC. Transit commission workers suffering sprains, strains and tears missed a total of 27,000 days of work between 2000 and 2005, the most recent years available to the Star.

Symptoms of the disorder include frequent, involuntary reliving of the event and irritability, and could include increased blood pressure and feelings of helplessness. Sufferers could also develop unhealthy coping devices, such as feelings of detachment and numbness.

"You live an increasingly narrow life and, on top of that, (you) are in a kind of a hyper-arousal state, ready to fight or flight," said Dr. Alain Brunet, psychiatry professor at McGill University. "(Sufferers) don't sleep well, they have problems concentrating, easily distracted, easily startled, and they may have a short fuse."

Described, often dismissively, as shell shock in World War I, and neurosis in World War II, and captured in Vietnam War-era photos as the "thousand-yard stare," post-traumatic stress disorder is now recognized not as a moral weakness but as a legitimate, sometimes devastating disorder.

"I came to the realization I was shut off all the time, even when I came home," said subway operator Tollefson, who says he missed five months of work in the late '90s due to the disorder. "It bothers me that I don't feel anything. Oftentimes I don't feel anger or joy or pleasure. You just go about your business. You do what is right by your family, but there's no feeling behind it."

Several psychiatrists and experts say bus drivers are more prone to the disorder than those in many other jobs.

"They're easy targets. They wear a uniform. They represent a form of authority but without too much power," said Brunet, who found a "higher than expected" rate of the disorder among Montreal bus drivers in a study conducted 12 years ago.Norman Shields, a psychologist who treats combat veterans, says bus drivers might be more likely to suffer from the disorder than soldiers because of the driver's relative inability to act – to use handcuffs, a weapon, anything to react to the adrenaline rush that comes with an assault.

"We're sitting ducks out here," said Dino, a bus driver for 10 years. "You don't know when it's coming."

Dino, 43, who says he's been punched, threatened with death, spit on and had to dodge rocks thrown through his windshield, doesn't want his last name published for fear his assailants will track him down. Dino missed a month of work in 2000 after a domestic dispute spilled onto his bus and a man waved a gun in his face, muttering, "I'm going to blow your head off."

While TTC officials say 99 per cent of the riding public are kind and thankful, it is clear drivers have become whipping posts for frustrated Torontonians.

"Imagine if I was in a supermarket, and I didn't like the price of milk that day and I punched the clerk," said Bob Kinnear, head of Amalgamated Transit Union Local 113, which represents the 4,500 TTC operators. "I don't know of many jobs where you have people missing time because they got punched in the face at work."

Giambrone says the rise is due in part to increasing pressures on the system.

"We carry more people. We have more customer service complaints," Giambrone says. "Are people more upset when the quality of service is not what it was in the past? Absolutely. Is it acceptable to take it out on the driver? No."

A dedicated and decorated employee, Shawn Gilchrist, 47, needed only four years on the job to become the driver he is today: Nervous in public and joyless on the job.

His breaking point: Around 8 p.m., May 7, 2005. He asked a man who underpaid to pay a full fare. The rider taunted Gilchrist until the bus pulled into the Lawrence West subway station. "Four guys kicked the s--- out of me. I was panicking for my life," said Gilchrist, who, before joining the TTC, made headlines when he tackled a gun-wielding, would-be bank robber at a midtown CIBC branch.

"I had trouble sleeping. I wasn't eating. I was afraid to leave my apartment. I was crying for no reason. I don't think I'm a wimp."

His colleague and friend Fred Hickey, 38, missed 11 months due to post-traumatic stress disorder after a rider pierced his lip with a broken beer bottle May 29, 2004.

TTC officials say they cannot pinpoint the cost of the problem, though all claims accepted by the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board, including those involving physical injuries, drain nearly $10 million from the commission every year.

Add to this the cost of lost fares as drivers increasingly fear challenging riders who don't pay. Several drivers interviewed by the Star said it's a simple if depressing choice: Ignore the fraud, or challenge the freeloader and risk a punch.

"I fear fare disputes because I just want to get home in one piece," says driver Anne Marie Dennis, 40. "You do it to the wrong person and he pulls a knife."

Dennis, a light bruise fading from around her left eye, talked to the Star two days after being hit in the face by a rider she asked to leave the bus for swearing at passengers. On the report Dennis is required to fill out after such an incident, the doctor at the walk-in clinic near her home wrote: "Stressed out, fear of going back to work."

And the cost mounts. Due to an increase in driver assaults, the TTC plans to install plastic shields on buses and streetcars. One prototype, including installation, would cost $1,500 per bus. The shields could appear as soon as this year.

As part of a $34 million project, the TTC is currently installing cameras on buses and streetcars and in subway stations to help deter would-be offenders.

Also, with the help of a $446,000 research grant from the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board, the TTC, along with two Toronto hospitals, this month began a study of drivers who have suffered stress-related injuries. The TTC's chief safety officer says the study should help the commission understand how to best treat sufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder.

In December, the TTC announced it will spend more than $7 million to hire a U.S. firm expected to reduce workplace injuries by reviewing and possibly enhancing safety polices. The contract could run as high as $9 million. The firm is the same one NASA hired after its last shuttle disaster killed seven.

Bus driver Fernando Da Silva recalled a recent fare dispute that erupted into violence when a rider punched him in the face. "All they cared about was the paperwork. All they care about: Are you coming to work tomorrow? Are you going to file WSIB?" he said. "All I wanted was ice on my eye."

TTC chair Giambrone says what Da Silva described "often leads to taking a bad situation and making it worse. Bad culture in the workplace leads to bad attitudes."

Giambrone and general manager Gary Webster said the agency is trying to do a better job of serving drivers' mental and emotional needs."I think as a company we've been a bit too hard-nosed, punitive," said Webster, sitting in his office at TTC headquarters, a book on workplace safety on his coffee table. "These (drivers) are very concerned about their safety. A lot of them are saying: `Show me the action.'"

But for driver Gary Dennis, Anne Marie's husband, the plastic shields threaten to drive an even deeper wedge between rider and driver.

"I'd probably quit the job if shields were put on," he said. "I'm claustrophobic. I like to deal with people."

Instead, Dennis would like to see more special constables to bolster the TTC's current force of 95 that is charged with patrolling the system's nearly 2,000 buses, streetcars and subway trains.

A TTC official says the commission is considering doubling the constable ranks by 2011.

"I think a lot of our surface operators don't feel like they have support out there," Giambrone said.

Data analysis by the Star's Andrew Bailey

David Bruser can be reached at 416-869-4282 or dbruser@thestar.ca

____________________________________________________________________________

I pulled this from the Toronto Star as I do not want to loose it when the site archives it.
I think this is important for people to read and remember.

Sorry it is a long read.

Here is the link as well.

The more bad publicity the more I fear going to work.

Love you too Toronto. Glad the media has made you guys do their dirty work and is trying to pit the public against us and us against you.

Not that we don't already have enough assaults and problems with riders and drivers.

So thanks guys! I wonder how many of you fear going to work the day after more bad publicity?

Diana....not liking the public much of late and getting more and more jaded everyday.

A BIG THANK YOU TO

2010-02-02T12:25:00.001-08:00

I would like to add a big thank you to the two ladies who comforted me yesterday when an incident happened on my Bus.

A man had kicked the bus just as I was pulling away and into an intersection and the sound was so loud, I thought I had hit someone or something. I jumped outta my skin.

Once through the intersection I realized I was shaking so bad from the jolt of fear and adrenaline that I felt it best not to continue the down trip. It was not safe for me to drive.

While they comforted me, there was a man yelling at me, telling me that if I am the nervous type then I should find another fucking job and that he was going to call in a complaint against me.

Those where his exact words. Thanks asshole for your support. I will remember to smile at you when I see you again......from the rear that is.....

Ladies you have restored my faith that people will come around and see that people do make a positive impact on us.

Diana

Recent Bad TTC Publicity...My Take.

2010-02-02T11:00:00.000-08:00

Okay in light off all the bad publicity the TTC is getting right now I thought I would give you my take on some of the things I am hearing and reading.

I am relatively new to the TTC. I am only going into my first year. So with that and my training and my Customer Service background, I thought this was going to be a piece of cake. How wrong was I.

Now normally I am a patient, forgiving, water off a ducks back type of person. If you snark at me and I don't know you from Adam, it doesn't affect me, but if I do know you whether it's a friend, family or co-worker, it will affect me and sometimes deeply.

Now when I first began driving and picking up passengers, I said "Thank You" to each and every passenger that boarded, every day, five days a week for my 8 to 9 hours of driving.
Now imagine the number of people that is.....can you? Perhaps on a busy night it ranges into the high thousands, on a not so busy night or day, it might hit the low thousands. Depending as well on the Route. Some are more busy than others.

So then one day I was reading the local TabROID paper and someone commented that TTC Drivers never thank the riders. WRONG! This person obviously has never been on my Bus. I was a bit annoyed by that comment.

Their reasoning for a TTC Driver to thank them was that they are paying for a service and when paying for something, like in a store or restuarant, then the person servicing them should always say "Thank You"

True, yes true. But here is my arguement. Those people in the store or restuarant are not saying "thank you" to thousands upon thousands of people a day. They are not being met with angry glares, furrowed brows, sucking teeth, people looking at their watches and blaming the driver for being late when there was an accident or some other hold up beyond the drivers control. Getting sighs of discontent at being stuffed in like sardines, again not the drivers issue. Being told off because people are steppping on them, or not exiting by the rear doors. When giving the please move back annoucement, being told off by those in the back.

Now, I say how long could YOU still keep up the "Thank You's"? Well, with all that I still do BUT this past month I ran my own little experiement.

For one week I said thank you to every passenger that got on. I counted via my little writing pad, how many actually thanked me back or said have a nice day/night or where even pleasant with their looks.

Total of that whole week.

105 people actually thanked me back or said something nice back.

105 out of a possible 10's of thousands!!!!

So this week I decided not to say anything and just NOD. Well the numbers did go down to a sickening 8 people who said have a nice day/night.

So why should we thank you? Is my question to you.... Yes, You bought a pass or paid a fare, but its a service YOU want and you DEMAND the City provide and WE the drivers are just doing our job that YOU the public DEMAND. That job is driving you from point A to point B and getting you there SAFELY.

According to the number of accidents, we are doing just that. We are getting you to your destination SAFELY.

THAT in itself, is something we should be thanked for!

Now I know that sometimes things go wrong and Busses are late or Subways are down but again that is NOT the drivers fault or error. Why are you taking that out on us?

Yes, I know that when I pull up and I have a SHORT TURN sign it annoys you, or if I get short turned once you are on, that can be so frustrating, but again that is NOT MY FAULT or the fault of ANY Driver.

So with that and even after being assaulted once, my bus being shot at once, people kicking my bus making me jump outta my skin thinking I hit someone, people telling me I am an uneducated idiot and reading all the negativity about us TTC Drivers,,,,,,,I still say thank you….BUT that might not last too much longer.

And I ask you this, can you now understand WHY, that might end…..

You as a rider play a big part in our emotional state. You as a rider play an integral role in how you get treated as well.

You expect us to thank you no matter how our day/night is going, how about you still thank us no matter how YOUR day/night is going or has gone.

More later but I would like to thank you all for reading this and maybe the few that “get it” will see things a bit differently.

And as an added. YES the TTC has slackers, just as YOUR job and any job out there has them, BUT don't paint us ALL with the same brush. It is unfair and makes for a difficult working situation.

Again more later......off to get ready for another thank less night....well maybe tonight will be better. One can HOPE.

Also added.

When you see me or another driver stopping at a Tim Hortons or Coffee Shop it is most likely we have to go to the Washroom. As you may have noticed there are NO toilets on TTC Busses and that is a GOOD THING I assure you. It also might be because we are ahead of schedule and stopping for a few minutes to get a coffee after a stressful 5 hours of sitting in a seat driving to ensure we DON'T zoom by YOUR stop 5 mintues early.

I and others of this profession are afforded a workplace that insures DIGNITY.

I will NOT annouce to a bus load of people, nor do I even have to tell my Supervisor that I have to go take a PISS.

THAT IS NOT DIGNIFIED!!!!!!

AND I ask you, how many of YOU have to tell your Boss or your customers when you are going to take a PISS?

Diana Out!

One year on the bus.

2010-01-30T20:39:00.000-08:00

Well I am offically in a big huge creative slump. Might have something to do with the fact that I have been working 5 days a week for 12 1/2 hours a Day! Yep, that's what I typed.

I figured in order to get weekends off and get a bit of a break I would sign Spareboard. Only to find out this time of year, everyone calls in sick and instead of sitting around for 5 hours and getting sent home because there is no work. I have been sitting around for 5 hours then getting sent out for a full piece of work resulting in me being away from home for 12 or more hours.....!!!!

Oh well, that is the sacrifice I made to get some weekends off....but it has been hard not only on me but my puppies. They are not happy with me right now. Luckily there is someone here to let them out and give them some treats, so that makes it a bit easier on them, but not on me as I worry about them.

Because of those working hours I am too tired on the weekends to do anything let alone create. I even find it difficult to walk the dogs as I have no desire to do so. The cold and my tiredness, just makes that task very hard. No gumption anymore.

I think the TTC is sucking the life outta me.

I passed my 10 month probation period and I CANNOT believe I am almost at the one year mark! Yep, its been a year since I gave up my Dog Walking Business and became a Bus Driver.....How frightful is that?

When I retire, I will be going back to the Dogs. I love them too and I want to work with them again. I want to help them and I want to educate people. I will.

I have met some great people and some not so great people. I have learned to be even more patient than I already am....how is that....you all know I have the patience of a Saint right? LOL

I think I am sooooo Calm and Assertive right now, I could work woth wild Wolves and they would not attack me...

Night

Do you still make Wishes?

2010-01-11T16:20:00.000-08:00

Funny, I find myself still making wishes. All grown up, pushing 50 and I still make a secret wish to myself now and then. Is that childish or do we all still do it?

If we do, what makes us continue with this practice? Is it because that's just how we were raised? The ole blow out the candle and make a wish thing? The throw a coin in a Fountain and make a wish thing?

I thought I was passed all that but apparently not. I caught myself today doing it and I stopped myself. Not sure why I stopped, but I think it had to do with this maturity thing.

I gotta tell ya I don't feel 50. Now if you asked my Body and my Bones, they would disagree with my brain. My brain just can't comprehend 50 and acting ONLY in a certain way.

I want to stay young in my mind. I can't help the body, but I sure can control my mind.

As I approach that age we all fear, I think about this more and more. I don't want to change, not because I want to try to delay the inevitable, but because why should I just STOP feeling young?

Does 50 mean, no laughing, no acting silly, no more pranks or bad jokes? Does 50 mean no more wishes, or dreams? Does 50 mean we must change ourselves to conform to what everyone else thinks a 50 year old should be?

Maybe I never grew up, so what? I am not going to stop and just lay down and die.

Life is not over for me, it is just beginning. I see things in a whole new light. I understand things better. I am compassionate, passionate, educated, creative, quick as a whip and funny as hell.

Nope I ain't gonna do it, I ain't growing up. Stomps foot.

Anyway I promised to show you some digital photoshopped pictures, only I never got around to them. So that must wait.

Off to send some beads to the Netherlands, walk the dogs, then once again Movie for one...and yes at nearly 50 I am okay with that too.

Diana

Pictures and a Decision.

2010-01-09T08:20:00.000-08:00

I am struggling with what type of Camera to use for taking pictures. I am a firm believer in the 35mm format and have a Nikon F2, but these days it seems most if not all the Great ones are using Digital.

I can manipulate a scene using the Nikon by means of filters and some Ingenuity, but that can sometimes mean an entire roll of film being used up just to get that one Perfect shot. Expensive to say the least.

Now I also struggle with the idea that a Picture taken with a digital, then manipulated in Photoshop and corrected in Photoshop, is great Photography. I mean if one is to be great at an Art, then one should be able to get that look or emotion by their skill, not the skill of a computer program. It then becomes a moral or ethical debate and not something I really want to get into.

I can offer only my opinion on this. An Artist of Oils and Water color, does not have the Luxury of using Photoshop, yet they do make great art. What you see is what you get. Their works are Great because they have the skill to translate what they see or feel onto a canvas. Some of these Artists appeal to everyone, while others have a certain following. When they make a mistake or don't like what they see, they must correct it by hand and possibly start all over again. This is great art and human skill, not a computer program.

Now I must say that all my digital photos up to this point have never been corrected or manipulated in Photoshop, so I think I am pretty good at using the camera and getting the picture I want. I don't have a full version of Photoshop to be able to compete with some of the Photo's you see out there, and that brings me to my next concern.

How can a Raw Image Photographer, compete with some of these Digitally enhanced,
corrected Photoshopped pictures that everyone Oooooo's and Ahhhhh's over?

Well so far the only possible fix for that is educating the public on what is photographer skill and what has been fixed or beautified by a machine.

See the thing that bugs me the most about this, is that I and others will sit and move and fiddle and faddle with a shot for perhaps HOURS to get what we want. We will change lenses, add filters, climb trees, crouch down, bend ourselves into painful positions all for the perfect artistic look we desire. While someone else will snap off a picture without much thought, then take it home plug it in and fix its lighting, sharpness, even color, add layers, stitch in other photos to enhance the boringness and even yes, even change the position of objects or erase them altogether. I am not sure what to call that, but it's not Photographer Skill, I know that for sure.

I have ALWAYS believed and still do, that what makes a Great Photographer is an Eye for beauty, composition, color, angle, effect, affect and working to get that awe inspiring Photo that makes everyone say, how the hell did he/she do that?

WITHOUT the use of a computer or computer program.

So with that, I leave you with this. Not photoshopped, raw image pictures I have taken with a manual Nikon F2 Camera.

Tomorrow I will post some of my Digital Pictures and tell you just what I did to them using a small version of Photoshop, if anything. Some I will be fixing, some I will be leaving Raw.

Thanks for reading and looking.

Have a good one!

Diana

Past Boyfriends Need NOT Apply.

2010-01-08T14:31:00.000-08:00

So I get home today and there is a message on my answering machine from a Past Boyfriend. I am like WTF?

Now this past boyfriend is really really past, long long time ago.

What makes one think that time will heal the whore_endous screwing around they did to me?

I don't hold a grudge, but I don't go backwards in time either. I also believe that once an asshat, always an asshat. Okay maybe I DO hold a grudge...LOL

I have had this happen to me with almost every guy I dated. They go out with me, screw me around or treat me poorly, then I dump them or they just wander off never to be heard from again, UNITL 10-30 years later!

I don't get it, maybe someone can explain it to me.

Am I the second choice?

Am I the last resort?

Am I that memorable?

Is it desperation?

Is it loniness?

What is it?

I decided not to rack my brains thinking about it though, and have moved on long long time ago.

To those men of my past who might think of calling me. DON'T. I AM over you and have moved on.

Rambling, I am rambling.

Anyway I must go now and feed the dogs, then take them for a short walk. Too cold and I am too tired for a long night out. So it's walkies and a movie for one.

Night all, have a good one.

Diana

12 1/2 hours....No break

2010-01-08T00:49:00.000-08:00

Well my day was a loooong one.

I started work yesterday at 1pm and I finished my work at 1:30am, got home fed the poor dogs, took them for a walk and is is now 3:50 am and I am off to bed, then back to work for 11am.

Too tired to write, too tired to think, too tired to do anything. Thank God tomorrow is Friday and I have Saturday and Sunday off.

I missed ya today. I get all agitated when I don't hear your voice. Strange.

I might tell you all about that line above, and I might not.

Off to Dreamland.....hopefully.

Happy New Year. Merry Belated Christmas and all that.

2010-01-05T17:12:00.000-08:00

Well it's a new year and I was so busy I forgot to wish everyone out there in Cyber land a Happy New Year and a Merry Christmas, so this is it.

Take it or leave it...LOL

Hi Janet, waving at you. I know I am bad at the whole keeping in contact thing, but I think you loves me for all my flaws and my goodness. Makes you the best friend anyone could have! So, I loves you too! Say Hi and Merry Christmas, Happy New Year to the family for me.

The new year started off real good for me. I actually got three days off in a row! Can you believe it! Well I spent those three days cleaning my house and reconnecting with family. This bus driving job is not all its cracked up to be. You make huge sacrifices both in your family life and in your enjoyment of hobbies.

So that being said, not much happening in the way of beads. I have not had the time nor the energy to light up the torch. I was sick again as well but not as bad as the last time and I have mended much faster.

I have been thinking I might start up my photography again, but again time is just not something I can find these days. I do however have Saturdays and Sundays off for the next 6 weeks! So I am feeling a bit more normal and might take a few days trips to snap some winners.

I did have one issue tonight. I can't for the life of me understand why people ASSUME. Now the saying is when you assume you make an ass outta you and me, but I do not agree with that. The only person who looks like an ASS is the ASSumer.

I got called to do a Subway Shuttle and by the time I got there, the emergency was over. So I pulled over to take the call from my Boss and to see if the guy behind me, who is new, got the same message and to make sure he knew the way back. So I stepped out of my Bus to wait for him to flag him over and this Woman ( I use the term loosely here) walks by and shit rolls outta her mouth.

Woman. "You people, taking a break during fuckin rush hour, what the fuck is wrong with you people"

Me. "Excuse me? Sorry Maam, but I am not taking a break, I am waiting for the Bus up there, maybe you should shut your pie hole and think before ASSuming the worst of people."

Woman's face turns all red, she stammers something under her breath, then storms off.

THIS is the kind of folk I meet up with on a daily basis and WHY I decided to sign up for Spare Board. I NEED a break from all those people who ASSUME just because a Bus Driver is standing outside their Bus they are taking a break.

EXCUSE me people who ASSume that, but when us people are doing an 7-8 hour one piece shift, we don't GET breaks. So get off your high freakin horse and STFU. You with your cushy office job, 2 15 minute breaks and a full hour for lunch can stuff that snooty salad up where the sun don't shine.

I am lucky if I get a freakin bathroom break! I am NOT one of those Bus Drivers that you see not doing their job. Do NOT ASSume that I am. Just as there are bad, lazy people in your office, there are bad, lazy people in my work environment.

WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME!

Okay rant done. I feel a bit better now. I think I might start up an ANON blog about my Bus Driving daily adventures, just so you can hear what my day or night consists of. But now that I said that, it really won't be ANON now would it...LOL

Anyway, off to feed and walk the dogs.

Have a great night everyone!

Diana

O I will leave you with a picture of me as a baby, soemthing that is Rare indeed.

So does this kid look like a Slacker to you?

ETSY Art snobs and hollier than thou's

2009-12-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

Someone for some reason has it in their head that if a Customer of theirs buys their work, then they can't resell it without the Artists permission.

Um okay, get with the program and learn about the Laws regarding Art and Selling in General before starting something called a BUSINESS.

I cannot believe how many people who have started a Business but have NO idea of Business Law, be it retail or Art. It astounds me really. How do they do all the taxes and licensing, accounting and management without knowing if they are even doing it right legally?

One person in specific even stooped to saying what I do is not creating. Here is the snippet of the post.

********************************************************************************
ellemoss says:

I sell wholesale and you are right that I want to know EXACTLY what is being done with my work. Are you going to glue some boobies on it and sell it as porn collage, I want to know. ARe you going to rip it in 1/2 and sell it as 2 prints...i want to know.

Bead are completely different than art. I am creating something.
**********************************************************************************

Well then let me wiggle my nose and make the torched beads magically appear. Working on a 2 thousand degree torch melting rods of glass into Art Beads is NOT creating? But this person as a Photographer, basically picks up a Camera and snaps a pic then sells the prints and I am NOT creating?

Then to add insult, the OP of the thread went on to say Lampwork Beads where nothing more than a supply category item!

It is this kind of attitude that really makes Artists look bad.

All I can say is that if you are going to place demands on Customers that they tell you exactly what they are going to be doing with your work, you are going to suffer in the sales department.....and the Law states it is none of your Business as long as their plans are LEGAL.

The Law in question is called The First Sale Doctrine and it basically says I can as the new owner who legally purchased an item, sell it, keep it, give it away, hang it above the shitter or torch it. Once that item is in my hands, I Own IT!

You hold nothing but the Copyright to the image..I cannot reproduce it and that is the ONLY thing I can't do.

For those that are thinking the buyer should just let the artist know they will be framing a picture and then offering it for resale in the brick and mortar, again they don't have to. If you are worried they won't give you credit as the artist, then you have no confidence in that buyer and that will show, when you demand they tell you. This in itself could end the potential relationship.........I know it would end it for me.

Giving people the benefit of the doubt that they will credit the artist is part of building a trusting relationship between buyer and seller. Without trust, there is no relationship.

If it bothers you that people do this, then don't sell your work. Keep it. Also before starting a Business, get some Businesss Education on Law and your rights and the rights of the buyer. It could end up saving you a ton of money and stop you from getting sued and loosing everything, including your reputation.

It is possible that the person who bought the item was waiting to see if the item was a hit or miss. If a hit they would be back for more and at that point may have worked out an agreement with the artist for wholesale pricing and told you at that point that they wanted to carry your items in their store....now you may have lost them.....

My Pic on a Jones Pop!

2009-12-01T17:59:00.000-08:00

Took me awhile to post this, but one of my submitted pictures has been chosen to be on a bottle of Jones Pop. I am so proud, I am puffing out like a big ole proud Lion...LOL

The winner is the Fruit and Sky picture seen here

now you will have to imagine it in Black and White as that is what they do with it. Takes away from the beautiful contrast between the fruit and the sky but still has some impact.

If you are so inclined to look for it. Look for the Green Apple flavor where Jones Pop is sold. In Canada you can find it in Loblaws and some 7-Elevens and the like.

I think I will go back to my camera for awhile and get more inspiration. Might even consider selling some prints.....MAYBE!

I am very protective of my Pictures as all have meaning and all bring back memories of some sort.

That is all for tonight. Off to walk the pooches.

Diana

Irresponsible Rescuers. No more sick animals please!

2009-11-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

I am all for rescuing an animal. I love the way people step up to the plate and take in an animal of unknown origins and of unknown treatment. I think this is admirable and shows how caring a person can be.

Now here is the BUT. Over the years as a dog walker I met many people in the parks who have rescued a dog or cat from the southern part of the United States. Great, how wonderful, I give you kudos for your need to help an animal is distress. Again here is the BUT. In the US things like heart worm and rabies are at epidemic proportions compared to Canada. Of these dogs that I have met over the years, 3 of these dogs came up here with full-blown HeartWorm. 2 others had Parvo. 3 where thought to have been exposed to Rabies, one of which died shortly after getting here. There have been many many others with a wide range of diseases which in Canada are pretty much non-existent, rare or not an issue or epidemic.

I knew at the time this was not right, but I did not dare say anything as I knew I would be verbally assaulted. No matter how passionate you are about rescuing animals, putting our healthy pets in jeopardy is irresponsible and uncaring. You have not thought this out. You gave little to no thought to how this might affect our pets. All you cared about at that moment was the poor animal and satisfying YOUR need to feel better that YOU made a difference in an animal’s life.

Now with the small percentage of animals I have encountered with these deadly health issues, how many do you think have gotten in under the radar that we don’t know about? You know that saying about seeing one cockroach……..There are a million more.

How and why does this bother me so much? I have a dog and this dog cannot be treated for heartworm as the medication needed to kill the worms, will kill him! No it’s not a question of whether he can tolerate the meds, it is a FACT and he has been taken off all types of meds with any kind of pesticide. Including even a simple flea collar. He is highly sensitive to these harsh medications.

I am not the only owner with a dog or cat with this kind of sensitivity. That being the aside, why should we tolerate exposing our pets to these horrible health risks at all? There is no need for this. The animals can still come here, only they should be given a clean bill of health BEFORE crossing the border into Canada. How is it that we can’t take our personal pets into the US without a rabies certificate but a dog without an owner can get in with known deadly health issues?

I want to let all the Rescue Operations out there know that I am no longer going to support you if you continue to bring in sick diseased animals. This practice must STOP and stop now. I am going to be screaming this from the roof tops if I see or hear of one more animal coming into Canada with deadly health risks to not only our pets but our wildlife.

If you think I am being overly reactive and if you think what I am saying is bullocks, then read the recent article in the Winter Issue of Animal Talk Magazine. This is distributed to all members of The Toronto Human Society. The article in particular is called “Heartworm Health Crisis in Ontario” I think the title says it all.

You need to be more aware of what is going on and you need to be more vigilant of where the animal is coming from and how its health was or is when it gets here.

It is the full responsibility of all the Rescue Operations to ensure the animals they are bringing in to Canada are healthy in every way! Hell we stopped Cattle because of Mad Cow, how is it that this is being overlooked or allowed?

Now I am going to feed my dogs, give them a kiss on the head and pray they don't get sick.

Diana

My Bead in a Bracelet....So Proud.

2009-10-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am so flattered and proud that a Great Jewelry Designer made a FANTASTIC Bracelet with one of my Boro Beads. When I saw the picture I think my heart skipped a beat. I could not believe that was my bead! That's how good this Designer is.

I love seeing how others use my beads in their designs. It makes me smile every time.

You can find this Designers shop here

Dear Ange

and if you look at her Banner, you will see the Bracelet with my Boro Bumpy Bead. Isn't it beautiful?

I would like to thank her for the picture and for putting it on her banner. Sure makes a girl feel good!

Thank You Ange! You made my day :)

I hate being sick......

2009-10-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

Oh Ugg, working with the Public can be a bit of a pain in the backside. As a bus Driver you are surrounded by people coughing and sneezing your entire 8-10 hour work period, 5 days a week. Being in a Bus is much like being in an Airplane, where everyone shares the air. I expected to get a Cold or two, but I did not expect it to get to the point I needed Puffers to breathe.

I am still fighting it off and can't seem to get rid of the Congestion in my Chest and my Sinuses get real bad at night. Not sure why they are okay during the day, but at night I have real trouble getting any air.

So my Torch time has been cut in half and the creative side of my Brain is suffocating. Seems lack of oxygen effects the creative ability. I have made some beads, but they are simple in nature. When I tried anything more daring, they ended up in the water jar of death.

I will be trying again tonight and tomorrow to make some Christmas Beads and a Set I have had on my mind for some time.

I have just set up a new account with JustBeads.com It is an Auction site, so if you are looking to get a deal on my beads, that might just be the place to look. I list them low in hopes of multiple bids, but seeing as I am sorta new there, I might not get the attentions of the long time buyers,,,, yet.

Here is the Link

My Auctions at JustBeads.com

Okay gotta go feed the dogs, and get started on some new beads.

Have a great night everyone!

Diana

AGLF... FIORENZA Egg Bead...SOLD

2009-08-25T14:03:00.000-07:00

Yippee, the bead I made to copy our little friend Ullja has sold and the proceeds of the sale have been donated to the legal fund to stop her insanity. She herself tried to buy it...LOL I guess she wanted to help fight herself or herselves. I am beginning the think she has multiple personalities and really does believe all the lies she sprews.

I am just glad that I could offer up something and I am thankful for the buyer that is helping with this issue. I feel better now. I was starting to think no one wanted to touch it out of fear of that spiteful Ullja.

Again thank you to the buyer and to the people who are going to town on her...

YOU GO GET HER!! Take her fake ass to court and put that silly bitch in her place.

To Ullja. I have no idea why you are doing this and guite frankly I don't care nor does it matter to me or anyone, why.
You my Dear have accomplished nothing to hurt those you have targeted, as a matter of fact their sales and popularity have increased since you started this whole debacle. So if your thoughts were to ruin them, you have actually achieved the opposite.
The ONLY reputation that has been ruined and run into the ground is your OWN. You will never be trusted again, you will never be able to use your name in association with anything you make, sell, bake or shit out.

The ONLY person to blame for this self destruction is YOU. You are to blame. YOU did this to yourself. No one, not one person is responsible for your business demise except YOU. Until you accept responsiblity for your actions, you will never be at ease. Pointing fingers is so yesterday and childish. This did not have to get this far out of hand and there was a simple solution, but you still refused to admit to your own lies and the FRAUD that YOU committed.

Karma is a Bitch and I think someone just learned that lesson. No not me, not anyone you have targeted, YOU, YOU ULLJA, this IS Karma.

Now for all those wondering what bead. Here it is in all its Glory.

Ain't it so cute and ornate? Made in Canada of all things!

Anyway thanks again to the buyer and my thoughts and energy go out to those affected by her slop.

JUST IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING THIS IS WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT

THE TRUTH ABOUT ULLJA

Read and click it and click it over and over to bring it up on the google searches. This can be YOUR way of showing support for the artists she is slandering and libeling and attemtping to defame.

Later peeps.

Diana

I AM BEADING AGAIN!!!!

2009-08-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

LOL, yep I am back making beads. Now that I have the time. Well, sort of. I am working full time but my hours are better, giving me all day to make beads. I have some new inspiration and new ideas. I have found that being away from the torch has effected my control of heat, but I am getting better everyday.

Here is a new Theme I am working on. Still in progress, but I like it.

Wiccan Goddess. Front and Back

I am having fun again and have a renewed love of the flame. Sometimes I think we need to step away from things and not get involved in the drama that sometimes pops up now and then.

I am going to ty my hardest to keep positive and not let silly assed things get to me. It is so not worth the sapping of creative energy.

Anyway off to make some more beads.

Have a good night everyone!

Smiles

Diana

The return of Ullja

2009-08-01T20:39:00.001-07:00

There once was a woman named Ullja. She thought she would buy some handmade artisan beads. Very pretty she thought to herself, but what O what will I do with them. So little Ullja decided to take these O so pretty beads and list them on Etsy and re-sell them. Not only did she list them but she also claimed her own greedy insane hands made them. Well little, dumb, not gifted with insight Ullja, was caught and confronted by many of the makers of those beads. Little Ullja was given the BOOT off Etsy, DaWanda, IndiePublic and many other places. She then faded into the nothingness or so we thought.

She has now proven that once a criminal always a criminal and that without the aid of meds, people like her are incapable of taking a hard lesson learned and NOT repeating it.

She put her own foot in her mouth over on a place called Artfire. She posted some dates regarding her own business and licensing and she got called out on those dates. I must admit, yours truly called her out and put the dates in order to show that SHE herself was selling on Etsy all the while not having the proper license to do so as she HERSELF told us that her license EXPIRED in 2007 but she was selling well into 2008. Dumbass!!!!

She also tried to convince people she was in Italy leaning glass from the MASTERS for the past three years, but O wait, she was still selling her baked goods on ETSY well into 2008 from Woodway TEXAS!!!! Again Dumbass!!!.

So when questioned, she goes loony, batshit, nuts and starts attacking people verbally and calling all the artists she previously VIOLATED liars and jealous. Okay THAT is laughable. So she is then banned from Artfire. They had the smarts to realize they were dealing with a possible big Liability and didn’t want the trouble. Smart people, great business! Etsy and Paypal however are another story and the saga continues with them as they have not yet banned her from using their services. Therefore allowing her to continue to buy products from artists for the SOLE purpose to get their information. Some artists are aware of her, but many others aren’t and she is praying on people left right and center over there. She is making Etsy and Paypal look like idiots and they seem to be condoning her using them as a HUNTING ground!

She then continues her screwed up campaign to TRY to ruin those that spoke out an even many who have said nothing about her by fraudulently buying a piece from their shop, then reporting them to the TaxMan and anyone that would listen to her verbal diarrhea. Not only does she do this but somewhere in that Fried Egg of a Brain she decides to PUBLISH her Libel and Slander on the internet via a BLOG right here at Blogger.

It has already been proven by many that this blog of crap is hers even though her name is not on it, they have set the trap and she fell for it.

I decided to post this to let everyone know to watch out for her. She may buy a piece from you and if the buyer comes up as being in Woodway Texas with a name like Beads4U or with an email address on the Paypal transaction as beadsnsupplies, cancel the transaction and contact Etsy and Paypal right away to report her. Also don’t support someone like this EVER. Do not buy anything she sells, do not feed her by clicking on her dirty blog and please for the sake of your own reputation, until you get the whole story, don’t make any judgements about those that have spoken out. Even if you feel she is a good person because you met her once or twice, you have no idea what a person is really capable of.

The TRUTH
TRUTH

If you are really curious then click here for her vile blog

LIES

BUT please please after you do that, click on the TRUTH at least three times more to bring the real truth to the top of the google search.

Remember, DON'T FEED THE TROLLS

This bitch is gunna get her come upins real real soon!

Respect
Diana

Vote for Toby or Fruit

2009-07-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

I just uploaded a bunch of phots to the Jones Soda Pop web site. Two of my photos have already been chosen as Staff Picks and Toby's mug shot is one of them...LOL

Help Toby get on the label of Jones Pop by adding your votes here.

TOBY

or for my fruit tree picture

FRUIT

or you can vote for both...LOL

When you vote, please click on the drop down box and pick the number 10. This is the highest. Yes, I know the number 1 would be obvious as first but in this case its not. They are lookin for a 10.

All votes are appreciated and I have to say that I was shocked they picked mine and so quickly!

Thanks

Diana

Who annointed you God?

2009-06-22T10:26:00.001-07:00

I just had to have my 21 year old kitty put down. Yes that's right 21 years old. He out lived two other cats and one dog. He was a fiesty cat with a strong heart.

Now I have had this cat since he was about 1 month old and I nursed him back to health after being found in an old warehouse, starving and weak. His mother may have been killed by a car or a coyote, we will never know what happened to her. His siblings did not make it, he was the only survior out of 8 kittens.

He was an indoor kitty, never really liked the outdoors, but every now and then he would sit on the front porch or the back deck and watch the world go by, or spy on the birdies. He never hunted them. Being an indoor cat he never got sick, never needed vet care. Now you say what? Well, I am a firm believer that we over vaccinate and over medicate our pets. Cats are well known for getting Cancer from vaccinations and seeing as he never went anywhere, it was not needed. The last time he saw a vet was when he was neutered. This cat was healthy as a race horse up until the past 5 days.

My experience with cats is vast. I have had many over the past 46 years. Some died in their sleep, others got very ill with cancer and 5, count them 5, had kidney failure. Which is by the way the number one issue in older GEREATRIC cats. It is well documented that when a cat goes, they go fast when in renal failure. I have witnessed this 5 times and the symptoms are exactly, I say EXACTLY the same.

Now I knew that a year ago he developed a form of cancer. It was obvious. I once again am very familiar with this cancer and have seen it many times. He was then 20 years old and had a good life, no pain and still pretty alert, eating, drinking and just being a cat. No issues other than the lump. Knowing this cancer was deadly and has never ever been treatable and in older cats such as mine, kinda stupid to even try. Putting them through the stress and fear, slicing and dicing, and very harmful medications, for what?

So 5 days ago he stopped eating his hard kibble food. I noticed he had lost a bit of weight. He was still drinking and eating his wet food, and being a cat. Then three days later he stopped eating all together but was still drinking, only now drinking a ton of water and only wanting it cold and fresh. The infection set in his eye 2 days ago, he was then toxic and I could smell the amonia on his breath. He was pacing and actually going outside into the garden and hiding. BIG SIGN It was time. Last night he stopped drinking. I called the vet this morning to bring him in.

I gave him a little sedative as I knew he hated the car and almost always got stressed and would vomit. I did not want him to have to go through that in his final moments.

So I get to the vet with him and he is really very weak and because of the sedative, he is the calmest he has been in 5 days.

The vet wants to do an examination. I am like WTF! Um NO! You can't tell by just looking at him that he is in renal failure? Why no she says, just because he has all the symptoms does not mean he is and that we can't help him.

GRRRRRRR.... WTF WTF WTF is all that is going through my head. She then proceeds to say that she is really saddened by seeing a cat in that state and that I should have been bringing him to the vet for regular visits. Implying that they could have saved him.........Are you kidding me, was going through my mind. I was so pissed I could have SPIT!

I lost it at that point. SHE was judging me at that very moment, when I was distraught with sadness, SHE was judging me when I was torn myself with this very hard decision to play the Grim Reaper, knowing I will be judged one day by MY ALMIGHTY for the many decisions regarding my many pets lives.

I then began to bawl and she says, I am sorry but this is very hard for me!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hard for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK I lost it big time!!!!

I then said. "You know what, FUCK YOU, I will take him home and he will die with me, in my arms, without JUDGEMENT. How dare you judge me at a time like this. How dare you JUDGE me at all." She once again trys to justify her judgement by implying that I should have been bringing this HOUSE cat, who never had ANY health issues, for regualr vet visits.

I then reply, "Why so you could slice and dice him when the lump came up? So you could play GOD and try and save a cat with a form of deadly cancer and renal failure? You know Jennifer, they don't live forever and YOU are not their GOD, nor do you have the right to judge me for my decisions. I will be judged when the time is right, not by you or any other person. I dread that day and can only hope my GOD will have mercey on me and see that my decisions where based on nothing more than PURE LOVE, unconditional LOVE. I hope you see that YOU too will be judged and when you are, you will be called on your judgement of others. How are you going to explain yourself?"

She stared at me with this blank stare. Almost as if she was devoid of reason or common sense. She lowered her head and apologised profusely. Cupping her hands and apologising over adn over.

I called her very unprofessional, as she was. That is not a judgement, it is a fact.

She asked me to allow her to continue with the task at hand, and that she will not judge me anymore. Too little too late. I still wanted to SPIT as I was so angry, upset, horrified and terribly sad all at the same time.

Then I looked down at my cat. His weak self, just lying there, all the while I was stroking him. He has never let me do that for more than a minute without hissing then biting me.

It was then that I realized I had to just let this thing with the vet go, for him, and allow him to pass on. I had to allow this judgemental bitch, to take the life of my cat under my direction. I had to,,, for him,,,, let it go.

To forgive is divine.

Rest in Peace my feisty old man Sox. May you meet with with your buddies, Randy, Kitty and Brody. I will see you on the other side.

That is all.

Diana

Added, his heart did not stop beating until I whispered in his ear.

"My Dear Soxs, it is time to go, I will see you on the other side, promise"

Sorry i could not write that until just now, and yes I am still bawling.