Friday, February 5, 2010

So Tonight He...............

walked right by me and said Hello to someone, but not to me.

So I guess my assumptions that he liked me were unfounded. It was just my imagination once again.

Huh.

I wash my hands of this and move on.........I just have too much on my mind and this is really taking up a lot of energy. I think about him too much and it gets all fuzzy after awhile.

Happy Friday Everyone.

Not much to say. Too tired.

Off to watch a movie.

Diana

On a happier note I forgot to mention that tonight, I was called an F'en Bitch by one guy and another told me that being 35 years old and trying to act like I was 25 was not attractive.....

LOL LOL LOL LOL

Jerk, I am almost 50!!!

So thanks for the compliment :)

I could have kissed him, but ya know.....blech

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Thinking about all this..

I have been thinking about all this bad publicity with the TTC lately and my state of mind. I have been jumpy lately and not sleeping. Also I can't seem to bring myself to get on the torch, or draw or paint or even clean my house.

I love to drive. I absolutely love it. I once drove from Toronto to Nova Scotia without stopping to sleep. I did stop for coffee and pee breaks, but my love of driving kept me going. I know I know, that is not good and I might have been a danger on the road, but I don't think so. I just love to drive.

But this trash talk about us drivers has made it very difficult for me to love to drive a Bus. I did at first and on good days I still do. I feel at ease behind the wheel. I feel good behind the wheel. It is my place to just zone out life and be the best driver I can be. I am good ya know....

I like to think I am good with the people too. I have had my share of issues, but who hasn't. I am sure passengers have had issues with other passengers. But that passenger will only have to one issue that day and might not have another for weeks or months to come. I have to deal with nasty, ugly people everyday, sometimes many hundreds of times a day, then deal with that same person the next day and the next day.......

Do I love my Job? Yes on the good days. On the bad ones, I want to just stop the bus, get out and walk all the way home and not go back. But I don't. I keep driving and keep tolerating and keep saying thank you and I keep trying to be nice...It is getting really hard though.

I have gotten threats, people holding up their phones as if taking my picture for just going to the bathroom, or when I am at my ends early, going to get a bottle of water or coffee. I have become an innocent target of peoples rage and hate.

Not something I thought about when taking this job. Not something I signed up for.
Did I know or was I made aware of the issues with problem people? Yes, but I had no idea it was this bad. There was some sugar coating, and I am a sugar lover, so I think I absorbed that part and filed the rest. I thought to myself, how can people be nasty or ugly to me, if I am nice to them. God I am so Nieve. Must change that. Something to work on within my personality.

So with that, I think I will be giving up my senority and moving into something else within the TTC. Once my two years of blood and guts has been given I can apply for a job elsewhere and never have to drive a Bus again.

THAT saddens me. Just thinking about it almost makes me cry. People have successfully taken my Joy and made it my Misery........

I guess because I worked with dogs for the past 7 years I have been so out of the loop on this whole, how to treat others, I did not realize it had gotten this bad. I did not realize people had so much hate in the hearts and minds.

People can be so awful to other people.

When there is a ban wagon people seem to jump right on without asking themselves why or even if that band wagon is morally right. They will question it later and maybe feel bad about it later, but by then the damage is done.

You can't take that back.

And now I might face suspension if I take a pee break or go get a coffee.

See here

Wow, things are going to come to a head soon. I see no good coming from this.

Anger goes both ways or did you not realize that?

Also I am so sick of people with University Degrees telling us we make too much money and that we are all a bunch of uneducated morons, who should not make more than them.

What exactly qualifies a salary? The fact that you have a Degree is the ONLY basis that YOU should make more than Me?
That Degree or piece of paper makes YOU a better employee than me?
That Degree makes you more valuable than me?
That Degree makes you less likely to go to the washroom than me?
That Degree means you will NEVER use company time to do something personal?
That Degree means you will never make a personal phone call on company time, or use the computer for personal time?
That Degree means you will never take a break even though you are entitled to it not only because your company gives you breaks but the Employment Act gives you the RIGHT to take a break?
That Degree makes you smarter than me?
That Degree gave you the ability to handle people and stressful situations better than me?

Again I am going to refer you to the post below and this may explain why we make more than you. Do YOU suffer 4 times the stress level of Police Officers? Do you face an angry crowd everyday? Do you FEAR going to work and having your picture posted on the front page with the words SLACKER splashed across it, simply for going to the bathroom?

And by the by, many of the TTC workers of today have University Degrees but could not find a JOB in their chosen field or where laid off, then they became Drivers.

So that arguement is BULLSHIT and I called it.

Have a good one.


Diana

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

TTC drivers in crisis....Pulled from TorontoStar

Subway driver Bryan Tollefson, at his Angus home, suffered from post-traumatic stress after seeing two suicides and an accidental death. Depression returned when a drunk assaulted him.

Litany of abuse, lives of fear

The Star obtained scores of occupational injury and disease reports filed in the last several months by drivers from two TTC divisions. They provide a grim snapshot of life behind the wheel.

One driver, who got a gob of spit in the face Nov. 23, 2007, worried about a communicable disease. A few days before that, a driver reported that an "unidentified male showed me a gun as he was leaving the bus." This driver said she later had trouble sleeping. Eighteen-year veteran Chris, of the TTC's Queensway division, said he'd rather take a punch than suffer again what happened last August. Chris says he was verbally sparring with a rider who had insulted a blind passenger.

"Just as I turned away, he grabs me, pulls toward me, horks a loogie on me like you wouldn't believe," Chris said. "I didn't tell my kids. It's degrading. I would have rather taken a punch."

Chris said he missed six weeks of work due to anxiety and fear he had contracted an "infectious disease."

"I just put the blinders on. I just look forward. I don't look at what goes in the fare box any more," he said. "If I didn't lose my seniority, I would go somewhere else in the commission."The documents also show drivers reported: Suffering a broken thumb and inhalation of pepper spray during a fight on a bus; broken eyeglasses after a punch to the head; and seeing a red laser-light flash, stoking fears of a sniper. Several drivers said riders gestured as if pulling guns out of coat pockets and waistbands, or pulling a blade across a throat.

David Bruser and Tess Kalinowski




David Bruser

Tess Kalinowski
Staff Reporters
Nearly 200 TTC bus, streetcar and subway operators are suffering from severe stress usually associated with survivors of combat, natural disasters and rape.

Their rate of post-traumatic stress disorder is about four times that of police officers who patrol Toronto streets, and the city's transit drivers report these problems more than any other workers in Ontario, according to provincial data.

Drivers have suffered a wide range of abuse – shot at with an air rifle, punched in the eye, head-butted in the mouth, gashed with a broken beer bottle, to list just a few examples the Star uncovered.

Shawn Gilchrist, psychologically crippled by the disorder, missed nearly two years of work after four riders swarmed and dragged him to the bus floor, then kicked, punched and dislodged a molar.

A driver got a gob of spit in the face and mouth, and spent weeks off work and ran through many tubes of toothpaste trying to erase the memory.

Another driver, Michael, said he was driving along Kipling Ave. in 2005 when the headlights of an oncoming Jetta went out. The sedan crept closer, its passenger window going down. Seconds later, the window next to Michael's head had a hole in it and a spider web of cracks.

"I saw this thing coming out of the sedan's window, and I'm still looking at it. All of sudden ... Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. I screamed at everyone: `Get down. We're taking fire.' I didn't know what to say," said Michael, his voice quickening and pitched with anger. "I thought: I'm not going to see my family again. This is it."He later learned he was shot at with an air rifle and was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

"I couldn't sleep. I kept being paranoid. I didn't want to drive."

The Star obtained the records from the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board after a freedom of information battle lasting nearly two years. Names of drivers were withheld. Through interviews the Star found some claimants and agreed not to identify those with strong concern for their safety.

In a five-year period ending in 2005, at least 181 drivers claimed post-traumatic stress disorder, missing an average of 49 days of work, with some absent only days and others more than a year. The traumatized drivers missed a total of nearly 9,000 workdays. An additional 102 operators reported missing weeks or months of work because they were suffering anxiety, neurotic disorders and depression.

The men and women on the front lines of the TTC, for the most part, take the job because they like sitting behind the wheel, chatting with the public and earning a steady paycheque.

But some drivers say they have become easy targets for surly riders. They are demoralized, tentative around strangers and fearful.

Subway operator Bryan Tollefson, who suffered from the disorder 10 years ago after seeing two suicides and an accidental death in the subway, says he has sunk back into depression after a drunk head-butted him in the mouth in 2006.

With overcrowding on buses and streetcars, fare hikes and traffic snarling transit schedules, the operators say they are facing an increasingly frustrated, unpredictable public. The number of reported crimes on TTC property spiked dramatically in 2006, from 2,744 the year before to 3,415, a 24 per cent increase. Meanwhile, the drivers struggle for sympathy from their own employer, an outfit of nearly 11,000 employees heavily focused on timely service and, drivers say, not enough on their safety.

TTC management, though, is making a big push to make life on the road and rails less stressful."I think we have an obligation to do something," said TTC chair Adam Giambrone. "This is unacceptable. We have to take this seriously. This is about respect and safety of our operators. They didn't sign up to be soldiers."

Post-traumatic stress disorder, often caused by witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event involving the threat of injury or death, is the second-leading cause of loss-time at the TTC. Transit commission workers suffering sprains, strains and tears missed a total of 27,000 days of work between 2000 and 2005, the most recent years available to the Star.

Symptoms of the disorder include frequent, involuntary reliving of the event and irritability, and could include increased blood pressure and feelings of helplessness. Sufferers could also develop unhealthy coping devices, such as feelings of detachment and numbness.

"You live an increasingly narrow life and, on top of that, (you) are in a kind of a hyper-arousal state, ready to fight or flight," said Dr. Alain Brunet, psychiatry professor at McGill University. "(Sufferers) don't sleep well, they have problems concentrating, easily distracted, easily startled, and they may have a short fuse."

Described, often dismissively, as shell shock in World War I, and neurosis in World War II, and captured in Vietnam War-era photos as the "thousand-yard stare," post-traumatic stress disorder is now recognized not as a moral weakness but as a legitimate, sometimes devastating disorder.

"I came to the realization I was shut off all the time, even when I came home," said subway operator Tollefson, who says he missed five months of work in the late '90s due to the disorder. "It bothers me that I don't feel anything. Oftentimes I don't feel anger or joy or pleasure. You just go about your business. You do what is right by your family, but there's no feeling behind it."

Several psychiatrists and experts say bus drivers are more prone to the disorder than those in many other jobs.

"They're easy targets. They wear a uniform. They represent a form of authority but without too much power," said Brunet, who found a "higher than expected" rate of the disorder among Montreal bus drivers in a study conducted 12 years ago.Norman Shields, a psychologist who treats combat veterans, says bus drivers might be more likely to suffer from the disorder than soldiers because of the driver's relative inability to act – to use handcuffs, a weapon, anything to react to the adrenaline rush that comes with an assault.

"We're sitting ducks out here," said Dino, a bus driver for 10 years. "You don't know when it's coming."

Dino, 43, who says he's been punched, threatened with death, spit on and had to dodge rocks thrown through his windshield, doesn't want his last name published for fear his assailants will track him down. Dino missed a month of work in 2000 after a domestic dispute spilled onto his bus and a man waved a gun in his face, muttering, "I'm going to blow your head off."

While TTC officials say 99 per cent of the riding public are kind and thankful, it is clear drivers have become whipping posts for frustrated Torontonians.

"Imagine if I was in a supermarket, and I didn't like the price of milk that day and I punched the clerk," said Bob Kinnear, head of Amalgamated Transit Union Local 113, which represents the 4,500 TTC operators. "I don't know of many jobs where you have people missing time because they got punched in the face at work."

Giambrone says the rise is due in part to increasing pressures on the system.

"We carry more people. We have more customer service complaints," Giambrone says. "Are people more upset when the quality of service is not what it was in the past? Absolutely. Is it acceptable to take it out on the driver? No."

A dedicated and decorated employee, Shawn Gilchrist, 47, needed only four years on the job to become the driver he is today: Nervous in public and joyless on the job.

His breaking point: Around 8 p.m., May 7, 2005. He asked a man who underpaid to pay a full fare. The rider taunted Gilchrist until the bus pulled into the Lawrence West subway station. "Four guys kicked the s--- out of me. I was panicking for my life," said Gilchrist, who, before joining the TTC, made headlines when he tackled a gun-wielding, would-be bank robber at a midtown CIBC branch.

"I had trouble sleeping. I wasn't eating. I was afraid to leave my apartment. I was crying for no reason. I don't think I'm a wimp."

His colleague and friend Fred Hickey, 38, missed 11 months due to post-traumatic stress disorder after a rider pierced his lip with a broken beer bottle May 29, 2004.

TTC officials say they cannot pinpoint the cost of the problem, though all claims accepted by the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board, including those involving physical injuries, drain nearly $10 million from the commission every year.

Add to this the cost of lost fares as drivers increasingly fear challenging riders who don't pay. Several drivers interviewed by the Star said it's a simple if depressing choice: Ignore the fraud, or challenge the freeloader and risk a punch.

"I fear fare disputes because I just want to get home in one piece," says driver Anne Marie Dennis, 40. "You do it to the wrong person and he pulls a knife."

Dennis, a light bruise fading from around her left eye, talked to the Star two days after being hit in the face by a rider she asked to leave the bus for swearing at passengers. On the report Dennis is required to fill out after such an incident, the doctor at the walk-in clinic near her home wrote: "Stressed out, fear of going back to work."

And the cost mounts. Due to an increase in driver assaults, the TTC plans to install plastic shields on buses and streetcars. One prototype, including installation, would cost $1,500 per bus. The shields could appear as soon as this year.

As part of a $34 million project, the TTC is currently installing cameras on buses and streetcars and in subway stations to help deter would-be offenders.

Also, with the help of a $446,000 research grant from the Workplace Safety & Insurance Board, the TTC, along with two Toronto hospitals, this month began a study of drivers who have suffered stress-related injuries. The TTC's chief safety officer says the study should help the commission understand how to best treat sufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder.

In December, the TTC announced it will spend more than $7 million to hire a U.S. firm expected to reduce workplace injuries by reviewing and possibly enhancing safety polices. The contract could run as high as $9 million. The firm is the same one NASA hired after its last shuttle disaster killed seven.

Bus driver Fernando Da Silva recalled a recent fare dispute that erupted into violence when a rider punched him in the face. "All they cared about was the paperwork. All they care about: Are you coming to work tomorrow? Are you going to file WSIB?" he said. "All I wanted was ice on my eye."

TTC chair Giambrone says what Da Silva described "often leads to taking a bad situation and making it worse. Bad culture in the workplace leads to bad attitudes."

Giambrone and general manager Gary Webster said the agency is trying to do a better job of serving drivers' mental and emotional needs."I think as a company we've been a bit too hard-nosed, punitive," said Webster, sitting in his office at TTC headquarters, a book on workplace safety on his coffee table. "These (drivers) are very concerned about their safety. A lot of them are saying: `Show me the action.'"

But for driver Gary Dennis, Anne Marie's husband, the plastic shields threaten to drive an even deeper wedge between rider and driver.

"I'd probably quit the job if shields were put on," he said. "I'm claustrophobic. I like to deal with people."

Instead, Dennis would like to see more special constables to bolster the TTC's current force of 95 that is charged with patrolling the system's nearly 2,000 buses, streetcars and subway trains.

A TTC official says the commission is considering doubling the constable ranks by 2011.

"I think a lot of our surface operators don't feel like they have support out there," Giambrone said.

Data analysis by the Star's Andrew Bailey

David Bruser can be reached at 416-869-4282 or dbruser@thestar.ca

____________________________________________________________________________


I pulled this from the Toronto Star as I do not want to loose it when the site archives it.
I think this is important for people to read and remember.

Sorry it is a long read.

Here is the link as well.

The more bad publicity the more I fear going to work.

Love you too Toronto. Glad the media has made you guys do their dirty work and is trying to pit the public against us and us against you.

Not that we don't already have enough assaults and problems with riders and drivers.

So thanks guys! I wonder how many of you fear going to work the day after more bad publicity?

Diana....not liking the public much of late and getting more and more jaded everyday.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A BIG THANK YOU TO

I would like to add a big thank you to the two ladies who comforted me yesterday when an incident happened on my Bus.

A man had kicked the bus just as I was pulling away and into an intersection and the sound was so loud, I thought I had hit someone or something. I jumped outta my skin.

Once through the intersection I realized I was shaking so bad from the jolt of fear and adrenaline that I felt it best not to continue the down trip. It was not safe for me to drive.

While they comforted me, there was a man yelling at me, telling me that if I am the nervous type then I should find another fucking job and that he was going to call in a complaint against me.

Those where his exact words. Thanks asshole for your support. I will remember to smile at you when I see you again......from the rear that is.....

Ladies you have restored my faith that people will come around and see that people do make a positive impact on us.

Diana

Recent Bad TTC Publicity...My Take.

Okay in light off all the bad publicity the TTC is getting right now I thought I would give you my take on some of the things I am hearing and reading.

I am relatively new to the TTC. I am only going into my first year. So with that and my training and my Customer Service background, I thought this was going to be a piece of cake. How wrong was I.

Now normally I am a patient, forgiving, water off a ducks back type of person. If you snark at me and I don't know you from Adam, it doesn't affect me, but if I do know you whether it's a friend, family or co-worker, it will affect me and sometimes deeply.

Now when I first began driving and picking up passengers, I said "Thank You" to each and every passenger that boarded, every day, five days a week for my 8 to 9 hours of driving.
Now imagine the number of people that is.....can you? Perhaps on a busy night it ranges into the high thousands, on a not so busy night or day, it might hit the low thousands. Depending as well on the Route. Some are more busy than others.

So then one day I was reading the local TabROID paper and someone commented that TTC Drivers never thank the riders. WRONG! This person obviously has never been on my Bus. I was a bit annoyed by that comment.

Their reasoning for a TTC Driver to thank them was that they are paying for a service and when paying for something, like in a store or restuarant, then the person servicing them should always say "Thank You"

True, yes true. But here is my arguement. Those people in the store or restuarant are not saying "thank you" to thousands upon thousands of people a day. They are not being met with angry glares, furrowed brows, sucking teeth, people looking at their watches and blaming the driver for being late when there was an accident or some other hold up beyond the drivers control. Getting sighs of discontent at being stuffed in like sardines, again not the drivers issue. Being told off because people are steppping on them, or not exiting by the rear doors. When giving the please move back annoucement, being told off by those in the back.

Now, I say how long could YOU still keep up the "Thank You's"? Well, with all that I still do BUT this past month I ran my own little experiement.

For one week I said thank you to every passenger that got on. I counted via my little writing pad, how many actually thanked me back or said have a nice day/night or where even pleasant with their looks.

Total of that whole week.

105 people actually thanked me back or said something nice back.

105 out of a possible 10's of thousands!!!!

So this week I decided not to say anything and just NOD. Well the numbers did go down to a sickening 8 people who said have a nice day/night.

So why should we thank you? Is my question to you.... Yes, You bought a pass or paid a fare, but its a service YOU want and you DEMAND the City provide and WE the drivers are just doing our job that YOU the public DEMAND. That job is driving you from point A to point B and getting you there SAFELY.

According to the number of accidents, we are doing just that. We are getting you to your destination SAFELY.

THAT in itself, is something we should be thanked for!

Now I know that sometimes things go wrong and Busses are late or Subways are down but again that is NOT the drivers fault or error. Why are you taking that out on us?

Yes, I know that when I pull up and I have a SHORT TURN sign it annoys you, or if I get short turned once you are on, that can be so frustrating, but again that is NOT MY FAULT or the fault of ANY Driver.

So with that and even after being assaulted once, my bus being shot at once, people kicking my bus making me jump outta my skin thinking I hit someone, people telling me I am an uneducated idiot and reading all the negativity about us TTC Drivers,,,,,,,I still say thank you….BUT that might not last too much longer.

And I ask you this, can you now understand WHY, that might end…..

You as a rider play a big part in our emotional state. You as a rider play an integral role in how you get treated as well.

You expect us to thank you no matter how our day/night is going, how about you still thank us no matter how YOUR day/night is going or has gone.

More later but I would like to thank you all for reading this and maybe the few that “get it” will see things a bit differently.

And as an added. YES the TTC has slackers, just as YOUR job and any job out there has them, BUT don't paint us ALL with the same brush. It is unfair and makes for a difficult working situation.

Again more later......off to get ready for another thank less night....well maybe tonight will be better. One can HOPE.

Also added.

When you see me or another driver stopping at a Tim Hortons or Coffee Shop it is most likely we have to go to the Washroom. As you may have noticed there are NO toilets on TTC Busses and that is a GOOD THING I assure you. It also might be because we are ahead of schedule and stopping for a few minutes to get a coffee after a stressful 5 hours of sitting in a seat driving to ensure we DON'T zoom by YOUR stop 5 mintues early.

I and others of this profession are afforded a workplace that insures DIGNITY.

I will NOT annouce to a bus load of people, nor do I even have to tell my Supervisor that I have to go take a PISS.

THAT IS NOT DIGNIFIED!!!!!!

AND I ask you, how many of YOU have to tell your Boss or your customers when you are going to take a PISS?

Diana Out!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

One year on the bus.

Well I am offically in a big huge creative slump. Might have something to do with the fact that I have been working 5 days a week for 12 1/2 hours a Day! Yep, that's what I typed.

I figured in order to get weekends off and get a bit of a break I would sign Spareboard. Only to find out this time of year, everyone calls in sick and instead of sitting around for 5 hours and getting sent home because there is no work. I have been sitting around for 5 hours then getting sent out for a full piece of work resulting in me being away from home for 12 or more hours.....!!!!

Oh well, that is the sacrifice I made to get some weekends off....but it has been hard not only on me but my puppies. They are not happy with me right now. Luckily there is someone here to let them out and give them some treats, so that makes it a bit easier on them, but not on me as I worry about them.

Because of those working hours I am too tired on the weekends to do anything let alone create. I even find it difficult to walk the dogs as I have no desire to do so. The cold and my tiredness, just makes that task very hard. No gumption anymore.

I think the TTC is sucking the life outta me.

I passed my 10 month probation period and I CANNOT believe I am almost at the one year mark! Yep, its been a year since I gave up my Dog Walking Business and became a Bus Driver.....How frightful is that?


When I retire, I will be going back to the Dogs. I love them too and I want to work with them again. I want to help them and I want to educate people. I will.

I have met some great people and some not so great people. I have learned to be even more patient than I already am....how is that....you all know I have the patience of a Saint right? LOL

I think I am sooooo Calm and Assertive right now, I could work woth wild Wolves and they would not attack me...

Night

Monday, January 11, 2010

Do you still make Wishes?

Funny, I find myself still making wishes. All grown up, pushing 50 and I still make a secret wish to myself now and then. Is that childish or do we all still do it?

If we do, what makes us continue with this practice? Is it because that's just how we were raised? The ole blow out the candle and make a wish thing? The throw a coin in a Fountain and make a wish thing?

I thought I was passed all that but apparently not. I caught myself today doing it and I stopped myself. Not sure why I stopped, but I think it had to do with this maturity thing.

I gotta tell ya I don't feel 50. Now if you asked my Body and my Bones, they would disagree with my brain. My brain just can't comprehend 50 and acting ONLY in a certain way.

I want to stay young in my mind. I can't help the body, but I sure can control my mind.

As I approach that age we all fear, I think about this more and more. I don't want to change, not because I want to try to delay the inevitable, but because why should I just STOP feeling young?

Does 50 mean, no laughing, no acting silly, no more pranks or bad jokes? Does 50 mean no more wishes, or dreams? Does 50 mean we must change ourselves to conform to what everyone else thinks a 50 year old should be?

Maybe I never grew up, so what? I am not going to stop and just lay down and die.

Life is not over for me, it is just beginning. I see things in a whole new light. I understand things better. I am compassionate, passionate, educated, creative, quick as a whip and funny as hell.

Nope I ain't gonna do it, I ain't growing up. Stomps foot.

Anyway I promised to show you some digital photoshopped pictures, only I never got around to them. So that must wait.

Off to send some beads to the Netherlands, walk the dogs, then once again Movie for one...and yes at nearly 50 I am okay with that too.

Diana