Saturday, January 30, 2010

One year on the bus.

Well I am offically in a big huge creative slump. Might have something to do with the fact that I have been working 5 days a week for 12 1/2 hours a Day! Yep, that's what I typed.

I figured in order to get weekends off and get a bit of a break I would sign Spareboard. Only to find out this time of year, everyone calls in sick and instead of sitting around for 5 hours and getting sent home because there is no work. I have been sitting around for 5 hours then getting sent out for a full piece of work resulting in me being away from home for 12 or more hours.....!!!!

Oh well, that is the sacrifice I made to get some weekends off....but it has been hard not only on me but my puppies. They are not happy with me right now. Luckily there is someone here to let them out and give them some treats, so that makes it a bit easier on them, but not on me as I worry about them.

Because of those working hours I am too tired on the weekends to do anything let alone create. I even find it difficult to walk the dogs as I have no desire to do so. The cold and my tiredness, just makes that task very hard. No gumption anymore.

I think the TTC is sucking the life outta me.

I passed my 10 month probation period and I CANNOT believe I am almost at the one year mark! Yep, its been a year since I gave up my Dog Walking Business and became a Bus Driver.....How frightful is that?

When I retire, I will be going back to the Dogs. I love them too and I want to work with them again. I want to help them and I want to educate people. I will.

I have met some great people and some not so great people. I have learned to be even more patient than I already is all know I have the patience of a Saint right? LOL

I think I am sooooo Calm and Assertive right now, I could work woth wild Wolves and they would not attack me...


Monday, January 11, 2010

Do you still make Wishes?

Funny, I find myself still making wishes. All grown up, pushing 50 and I still make a secret wish to myself now and then. Is that childish or do we all still do it?

If we do, what makes us continue with this practice? Is it because that's just how we were raised? The ole blow out the candle and make a wish thing? The throw a coin in a Fountain and make a wish thing?

I thought I was passed all that but apparently not. I caught myself today doing it and I stopped myself. Not sure why I stopped, but I think it had to do with this maturity thing.

I gotta tell ya I don't feel 50. Now if you asked my Body and my Bones, they would disagree with my brain. My brain just can't comprehend 50 and acting ONLY in a certain way.

I want to stay young in my mind. I can't help the body, but I sure can control my mind.

As I approach that age we all fear, I think about this more and more. I don't want to change, not because I want to try to delay the inevitable, but because why should I just STOP feeling young?

Does 50 mean, no laughing, no acting silly, no more pranks or bad jokes? Does 50 mean no more wishes, or dreams? Does 50 mean we must change ourselves to conform to what everyone else thinks a 50 year old should be?

Maybe I never grew up, so what? I am not going to stop and just lay down and die.

Life is not over for me, it is just beginning. I see things in a whole new light. I understand things better. I am compassionate, passionate, educated, creative, quick as a whip and funny as hell.

Nope I ain't gonna do it, I ain't growing up. Stomps foot.

Anyway I promised to show you some digital photoshopped pictures, only I never got around to them. So that must wait.

Off to send some beads to the Netherlands, walk the dogs, then once again Movie for one...and yes at nearly 50 I am okay with that too.


Saturday, January 9, 2010

Pictures and a Decision.

I am struggling with what type of Camera to use for taking pictures. I am a firm believer in the 35mm format and have a Nikon F2, but these days it seems most if not all the Great ones are using Digital.

I can manipulate a scene using the Nikon by means of filters and some Ingenuity, but that can sometimes mean an entire roll of film being used up just to get that one Perfect shot. Expensive to say the least.

Now I also struggle with the idea that a Picture taken with a digital, then manipulated in Photoshop and corrected in Photoshop, is great Photography. I mean if one is to be great at an Art, then one should be able to get that look or emotion by their skill, not the skill of a computer program. It then becomes a moral or ethical debate and not something I really want to get into.

I can offer only my opinion on this. An Artist of Oils and Water color, does not have the Luxury of using Photoshop, yet they do make great art. What you see is what you get. Their works are Great because they have the skill to translate what they see or feel onto a canvas. Some of these Artists appeal to everyone, while others have a certain following. When they make a mistake or don't like what they see, they must correct it by hand and possibly start all over again. This is great art and human skill, not a computer program.

Now I must say that all my digital photos up to this point have never been corrected or manipulated in Photoshop, so I think I am pretty good at using the camera and getting the picture I want. I don't have a full version of Photoshop to be able to compete with some of the Photo's you see out there, and that brings me to my next concern.

How can a Raw Image Photographer, compete with some of these Digitally enhanced,
corrected Photoshopped pictures that everyone Oooooo's and Ahhhhh's over?

Well so far the only possible fix for that is educating the public on what is photographer skill and what has been fixed or beautified by a machine.

See the thing that bugs me the most about this, is that I and others will sit and move and fiddle and faddle with a shot for perhaps HOURS to get what we want. We will change lenses, add filters, climb trees, crouch down, bend ourselves into painful positions all for the perfect artistic look we desire. While someone else will snap off a picture without much thought, then take it home plug it in and fix its lighting, sharpness, even color, add layers, stitch in other photos to enhance the boringness and even yes, even change the position of objects or erase them altogether. I am not sure what to call that, but it's not Photographer Skill, I know that for sure.

I have ALWAYS believed and still do, that what makes a Great Photographer is an Eye for beauty, composition, color, angle, effect, affect and working to get that awe inspiring Photo that makes everyone say, how the hell did he/she do that?

WITHOUT the use of a computer or computer program.

So with that, I leave you with this. Not photoshopped, raw image pictures I have taken with a manual Nikon F2 Camera.

Tomorrow I will post some of my Digital Pictures and tell you just what I did to them using a small version of Photoshop, if anything. Some I will be fixing, some I will be leaving Raw.

Thanks for reading and looking.

Have a good one!


Friday, January 8, 2010

Past Boyfriends Need NOT Apply.

So I get home today and there is a message on my answering machine from a Past Boyfriend. I am like WTF?

Now this past boyfriend is really really past, long long time ago.

What makes one think that time will heal the whore_endous screwing around they did to me?

I don't hold a grudge, but I don't go backwards in time either. I also believe that once an asshat, always an asshat. Okay maybe I DO hold a grudge...LOL

I have had this happen to me with almost every guy I dated. They go out with me, screw me around or treat me poorly, then I dump them or they just wander off never to be heard from again, UNITL 10-30 years later!

I don't get it, maybe someone can explain it to me.

Am I the second choice?

Am I the last resort?

Am I that memorable?

Is it desperation?

Is it loniness?

What is it?

I decided not to rack my brains thinking about it though, and have moved on long long time ago.

To those men of my past who might think of calling me. DON'T. I AM over you and have moved on.

Rambling, I am rambling.

Anyway I must go now and feed the dogs, then take them for a short walk. Too cold and I am too tired for a long night out. So it's walkies and a movie for one.

Night all, have a good one.


12 1/2 hours....No break

Well my day was a loooong one.

I started work yesterday at 1pm and I finished my work at 1:30am, got home fed the poor dogs, took them for a walk and is is now 3:50 am and I am off to bed, then back to work for 11am.

Too tired to write, too tired to think, too tired to do anything. Thank God tomorrow is Friday and I have Saturday and Sunday off.

I missed ya today. I get all agitated when I don't hear your voice. Strange.

I might tell you all about that line above, and I might not.

Off to Dreamland.....hopefully.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy New Year. Merry Belated Christmas and all that.

Well it's a new year and I was so busy I forgot to wish everyone out there in Cyber land a Happy New Year and a Merry Christmas, so this is it.

Take it or leave it...LOL

Hi Janet, waving at you. I know I am bad at the whole keeping in contact thing, but I think you loves me for all my flaws and my goodness. Makes you the best friend anyone could have! So, I loves you too! Say Hi and Merry Christmas, Happy New Year to the family for me.

The new year started off real good for me. I actually got three days off in a row! Can you believe it! Well I spent those three days cleaning my house and reconnecting with family. This bus driving job is not all its cracked up to be. You make huge sacrifices both in your family life and in your enjoyment of hobbies.

So that being said, not much happening in the way of beads. I have not had the time nor the energy to light up the torch. I was sick again as well but not as bad as the last time and I have mended much faster.

I have been thinking I might start up my photography again, but again time is just not something I can find these days. I do however have Saturdays and Sundays off for the next 6 weeks! So I am feeling a bit more normal and might take a few days trips to snap some winners.

I did have one issue tonight. I can't for the life of me understand why people ASSUME. Now the saying is when you assume you make an ass outta you and me, but I do not agree with that. The only person who looks like an ASS is the ASSumer.

I got called to do a Subway Shuttle and by the time I got there, the emergency was over. So I pulled over to take the call from my Boss and to see if the guy behind me, who is new, got the same message and to make sure he knew the way back. So I stepped out of my Bus to wait for him to flag him over and this Woman ( I use the term loosely here) walks by and shit rolls outta her mouth.

Woman. "You people, taking a break during fuckin rush hour, what the fuck is wrong with you people"

Me. "Excuse me? Sorry Maam, but I am not taking a break, I am waiting for the Bus up there, maybe you should shut your pie hole and think before ASSuming the worst of people."

Woman's face turns all red, she stammers something under her breath, then storms off.

THIS is the kind of folk I meet up with on a daily basis and WHY I decided to sign up for Spare Board. I NEED a break from all those people who ASSUME just because a Bus Driver is standing outside their Bus they are taking a break.

EXCUSE me people who ASSume that, but when us people are doing an 7-8 hour one piece shift, we don't GET breaks. So get off your high freakin horse and STFU. You with your cushy office job, 2 15 minute breaks and a full hour for lunch can stuff that snooty salad up where the sun don't shine.

I am lucky if I get a freakin bathroom break! I am NOT one of those Bus Drivers that you see not doing their job. Do NOT ASSume that I am. Just as there are bad, lazy people in your office, there are bad, lazy people in my work environment.


Okay rant done. I feel a bit better now. I think I might start up an ANON blog about my Bus Driving daily adventures, just so you can hear what my day or night consists of. But now that I said that, it really won't be ANON now would it...LOL

Anyway, off to feed and walk the dogs.

Have a great night everyone!


O I will leave you with a picture of me as a baby, soemthing that is Rare indeed.

So does this kid look like a Slacker to you?